Only after looking out do I realize, we are not moving.
With my brows knitted together in a frown, I find a sleeping pirate captain next to me. We are still on the little balcony that sits above the sea, and it seems like somehow, we have fallen asleep. I must’ve been so tired after using my song on Lark’s shadow, considering how drained I had felt afterwards. I’m not used to employing so much power at once.
Sable leans with his back against the wall, his head fallen to his chest. Dark curls hang loose and cast a shadow on his sun-kissed skin, his closed eyes, and ridiculously beautiful lashes. Good to know he’s sleeping well after threatening to throw me overboard.
I haul myself up with a grunt and smooth the folds of my gown. He is the most stubborn, irrational pirate I have ever met. Locks himself out here, without so much as a candle, because he thinks he’s not worthy of saving, that no one would care if something were to happen to him.
Getting up this fast was not a good idea. I am overcome with dizziness, and grab the railing in front of me to steady myself. The soreness of my limbs makes me buckle, so I take a deep breath to ground myself against the dull pain. Now that Sable is safe, at least for now, the feeling of betrayal overwhelms me. I can’t believe he didn’t trust me enough to tell me about his shadow.
A hand finds the small of my back.
“Risa, are you—” he begins, but I cut him off.
“I’m fine. But are you?” I turn toward Sable, who now stands next to me, and sigh. “I have no interest in playing pretend anymore.”
His brow furrows slightly, then he slowly withdraws his hand from my back. “Pretend?”
“Yes,” I say. “Pretend that you’re not cursed, that you’re not going to die if you don’t break it.”
My breath stutters, and I hesitate before my next words. “Or that the ghost you warned me about is not your own shadow.”
The sleepiness that still clung to his features a moment ago washes away in an instant, as if I have just emptied a bucket of ice-cold water over his face. He blinks at me, opens his mouth, and closes it again. I cross my arms over my chest in anticipation of his defensive speech. For him to deny what I have just revealed I know.
But he doesn’t. He barely even moves a muscle.
“That’s what I thought,” I whisper. “Did you even consider telling me?”
His jaw tightens. “I did.”
I lift my chin. “And?”
“And it would have complicated things.”
I would say that things are complicated now, too. I really thought that he and I were starting to be more than just reluctant allies, more than friends. I am sure he has his reasonsfor not telling me the truth, but I can’t help but feel a sting in my heart at his lack of trust in me. And right now, that pain is feeding into an anger that I really don’t want to unleash upon him.
Taking a deep breath, I stare at him, incredulous. “Of course. How careless of me. My questions about your shadow would’ve been terribly inconvenient.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“No?” I step closer, my voice low now. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you decided it was simpler to let me stumble through the dark. More simple than telling me the man I was learning to trust becomes someone else when his shadow is gone. Why did you not trust me with this?”
“Because…” he sighs, then runs a hand through his hair, “I didn’t want to put you at risk.”
I laugh, a brittle sound that surprises us both. “You threatened to kill me.”
His eyes flash. “I would never—”
“You did,” I cut in. “You stood there and guessed how long it would take for my body to hit the surface.”
He freezes as something flickers across his face. Confusion. Uncertainty. A crack in the confidence he usually wears like armor.
“I don’t…” He exhales slowly. “I remember vaguely.”
The word lands heavily between us.
Vaguely.
It’s the same word the shadow used when I asked him if he knew the captain well. By the seas, I was so blind.