“Can I sit with you?” I ask, my voice steady but low.
“You may,” he replies quietly. I let the sound of his voice wrap around me as I gather the long fabric of my gown and carefully sit down on the cool boards next to him.
Sable, or at least the shadow version of himself, stares at the night sky, his gaze flickering back and forth, as though he was seeing something in them that I couldn’t. Now that I really look at him, I should’ve realized his true identity sooner. The dark eyebrows, the slightly crooked nose, and the way he carrieshimself with confidence. The evidence was there, I was just too blind to see it.
Sighing, I lay down next to him, close enough that I can feel his presence but far enough so that our shoulders do not brush.
“Go ahead,” he says. “You‘re here for a reason, aren’t you?”
For a brief moment, I do not reply. I play with my fingers instead, looking at the constellations above.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I need to know the truth. About you. About Sable.”
“I am Sable.”
“I know,” I shake my head and sigh, cursing myself for my stupidity. “I know you’re a part of Sable. But why are you here and not with him? Wherever he is.”
From the corner of my eye, I can see his chest slowly rising and falling, as if the question doesn't bother him at all. As if he is truly breathing instead of just imitating breaths.
“I like to look at the night sky.”
All the questions I have start spiraling in my head, twisting into a knot of words that I fear won’t be able to untie if he keeps on being so vague.
“You know that’s not what I mean. Why are you here, while the other part of you is actively trying to hunt you down? Why not just… be where you belong?”
His head turns towards me now, and I mirror the movement. Black eyes that reflect the moon light like marbles stare into mine.
“Where I am right now feels like where I belong,” he whispers. “And the man you are referring to is not me. Not really.”
I frown at him. “What do you mean ?”
Sable’s shadow sighs and goes back to staring at the night sky, while I continue staring at him.
“This will only make things worse,” he says under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I am his shadow, but at thesame time, I am his soul. I am him. The man searching the ship right now is just my physical form, the shell that contains me.”
I let his words sink into me, into my heart, and suddenly, it weighs there in my chest as solid as a stone. A stone so heavy that if you were to drop it onto the ocean, it would sink and sink, never to be seen again.
He pulls his hand back down from his face, his arm now almost touching mine.
“I have been cursed for a long, long time. I was the first one. You see, while the others are mostly whole,” his voice cracks. His pinky softly brushes mine. “I am not.”
I bit down on my lip, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. This is what he didn’t want to tell me about his shadow. I never would’ve thought that the curse affects him more than others, or that he feels this broken.
“Why can you not return?” I ask softly, and the question hangs heavy between us the moment it leaves my mouth.
Silence follows. For a long time, he doesn’t answer at all, his pinky retreating, the subtle touch gone.
“It feels like dying,” he eventually says, his voice fragile and broken. “Returning doesn’t feel like coming home, it feels like death. It wasn’t painful in the beginning, but it has become almost unbearable now. That’s the way of the sea to enforce its curse. So I stay away longer. Not even the light forces me back these days.”
Seeing him like this makes my heart ache. I find no words that could comprehend the pain. I can’t ask him to return to Sable’s body now, cause him to suffer like that.
“Come. I’ll show you something.”
He‘s suddenly above me, his hand reaching out for me to take. I place my hand in his without hesitation and let his light fingers wrap around mine. Tiny shadows curl like smoke around themand spiral lower until it reaches my elbow, leaving behind a sensation on my skin that feels like a breeze.
Sable’s shadow pulls me up and retreats his hand from mine, then places it at the small of my back. The same gentle gesture that he always does.
“I should’ve known it was you,” I sigh.