I pull free and step back.
His eyes soften, full of worry, but I take another step back, then another. Finally I avert my eyes under his gaze and head into the bathroom.
I turn the shower on cold and let the water hit my head, hoping it will calm me down, but it barely helps. I’m shaking inside.
One thing is clear, I need to see Marcel. I need to talk to him. Only he knows what we should do now.
I pull on a clean shirt and pants, aware of Marlow watching me. I run my fingers through my hair and glance at myself in the mirror.
As I head for the door, Marlow jumps up and grabs my arm.
"Where are you going? Don’t tell me to Marcel."
"Let go. You don’t understand and you never will."
He presses his lips together.
"I understand doing stupid things for unrequited love. I have been there."
"This is different. Just leave me alone."
He stares at me with concern, but I don't even know what to say anymore.
I step back, open the door, and leave. It is almost midnight, but I have to see him. I run out of the dorm and head off campus. Marcel doesn't live on campus, but rents a place a few minutes away.
I have been helping him pay the rent for a year, and it’s expensive. I earn the money in underground fights he encouraged me to join. My ability makes me unbeatable.
To be fair, I offered the help myself. He once complained about bills, so I suggested it and he graciously agreed.
He never asks directly, but I always give him money, saying it’s for our group. He just smiles and takes it.
A few months ago I also bought him a car, said he needed it for organizing things. A van, big enough for all of us.
When I reach his building, I see that van in the parking lot, empty. The others must have left. So Marcel is probably alone.
We rarely talk one on one. Usually someone from the group is around. Maybe now I will finally get the chance to say everything I have been holding back for the past year and a half.
I run up the stairs. Third floor. I don't take the elevator.
When I reach the hallway, a familiar scent hits me.
Damn it. Edgar was here recently. That sharp, musky cologne.
I slow down.
For some reason, I move more carefully, stepping quietly toward the door, holding my breath. My heart is pounding so hard it almost drowns everything out, but I can still hear enough.
A moment later I understand.
Someone inside is having sex.
The sounds are unmistakable. Breathing, soft moans, and deeper groans coming through the door.
A strange wave runs through me, something cold and hot at the same time.
I glance at the keypad panel. I know this code perfectly, I’ve helped Marcel move all his furniture, I’ve brought him groceries more than once, and I’ve visited him here with the group plenty of times, so I’ve memorized it.
Now I’m using that knowledge, to my own detriment.