So, yeah. I’d missed out on a lot.
And when I hung out with my boys, I could tell they missed having me around.
It made me wonder how hard it was for Devi when Katie left town.
I looked at her across the room. Devi acted like she was so independent from everyone around her, but she was attached to Katie. I could tell, from that very first night I saw them together in the bar. The night Devi sat down at my table, tried to pick a fight with me and I ended up driving her home. And practically begged her not to fight with me anymore. Because I wanted her, even then.
Maybe I wanted to mean something to her. Be someone to her, other than the devil.
I’d watched Devi and Katie across the room that night. And I watched them at our wedding.
The way Devi looked at Katie when she spoke or laughed. The way she listened to her. The way she spoke about her. Even the way they touched, always looping their arms together or literally leaning on each other. I’d even seen them holding hands, at the wedding.
They were more than friends. They were sisters.
I’d never had a friend like that.
Lex, maybe. He was the only one I felt that kind of bond with. That kind of tightness. Like if he fucked off to somewhere and I never saw him again, I’d be a little less sure of who the hellIwas.
Devi and Katie were like that; like if they lost each other as friends, they might be very different people. Their relationship had helped shape them.
Come to think of it, I really didn’t have many relationships in my life that had shaped me in a positive way.
As I looked around this crowd, the whole group was so loud I could barely hear the music overtop. And Devi looked so happy, so comfortable in the middle of it all. Like she belonged here. In this city. In this life.
I tried to be a good date, when Devi actually seemed to want me to be her date. I held my wife’s hand, let her show me around, introduce me to people she knew. I played the part of the devoted husband, to her devoted wife.
It wasn’t hard. Devi definitely made it easy to want to stay close to her, keep my eyes on her, all night.
When we actually had a few minutes alone, drinks in hand in a dark corner, just the two of us, she looked up at me with a faint smile on her face. We’d both been drinking, so I didn’t take it personally. I was pretty sure that glow in her eyes wasn’t for me, but because she was having fun.
“Having fun?” I asked her.
“As much fun as a girl can have with her clothes on,” she said, flirting with me. I loved it when she flirted with me.
She didn’t do it nearly enough, in my books.
“You seem to be getting along okay with Johnny,” I pointed out. Kind of regretted having to bring it up at all, but I wanted to be sure everything was okay there.
She rolled her eyes a little. “Yeah. He’s okay.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t say anything to him. You know, about that unsavory moment in high school.”
“Oh, you mean when he called me fugly? I sure did. I walked right up to him when I got here and told him.”
“You did?”
“Oh, yeah. He laughed. I think he thought I was kidding. Then he realized I was dead serious, and apologized.” She sipped her drink. “He doesn’t seem to remember that particularly unsavory moment in my life. Guess it wasn’t as impactful for him as it was for me. Go figure.”
“Devi… I’m sorry. He’s a dick. What can I say?”
“He’s your friend,” she said simply. “I can put up with him.”
I stared at her. As I’d watched her across the room tonight, she definitely glowed. I’d wanted to be close to her all night. Across the room was too far away. Especially when I’d been gone for days.
And maybe it bugged me, just a little, that she hadn’t been pining away for me while I was out of town.
I looped my finger around a lock of her hair and smoothed it over her shoulder.