Maddie heaves a sigh beside me. “I keep asking for a brother or sister. I’m not getting any younger here, people.”
Sabrina shakes with laughter. “Have some patience.” Shaking her head, she says to me, “How are things with Fisher?”
Since young ears are right beside me, I can’t say too much. “Basically, the ball is in my court now. I’m the one who has to make the moves.”
“Go Fisher.” She claps.
“Hey,” I groan. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I’m on the side of what’s going to make you happy and deny it all you want, but he does. I think the guy has been plenty transparent with his feelings for you and I can’t blame him for wanting you to put in a little effort.”
“Yeah,” I sigh, drawing my finger through the condensation on the table left from Maddie’s water bottle when she moves it.
“Talk to me,” Sabrina pleads. “I can practically hear the gears turning in your head. You don’t have to keep all your thoughts to yourself.”
“It’s dumb,” I mumble. “I’m gonna go grab a water.”
She opens her mouth to protest, but I’m already up and moving before she can get a word out.
“I’ll be right back, Maddie,” she says behind me, following.
Great.
“You’re not getting away from me that easy,” she says. “Get your water and then we’re talking.”
After I’ve secured an ice-cold bottle of water from the station, Sabrina drags me around the side where she can still see Maddie, but we have more privacy.
“I love you, Ebba,” she says. “You’ve become one of my best friends, but I hate seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re terrified to let someone into your heart again. I know what you went through with Fisher wasn’t easy, and then with your ex last summer…” She trails off shaking her head. “What I’m saying is, I understand your reservations, but you seem happier when you don’t overthink it. I know you held a grudge against him for a long time and it seems like there’s apart of you trying to hold onto that—like maybe you think it’s not justified if you forgive him and get back together.”
God, she’s hit the nail on the head. Put my thoughts into words I couldn’t begin to articulate.
Unshed tears sting my eyes.
“I think that’s exactly it. What if I wasted years we could’ve been together?”
“Oh, honey.” Sabrina pulls me into a hug. “You have got to stop beating yourself up for the past. You’re letting it drag you down. It’s time to move on. You can’t get that time back. Do you want to regret a few years without him or an entire lifetime?”
Whoa.
Her words hit me like a sack of bricks to the chest. The air is knocked out of my lungs.
I must be silent too long because she says, “Have you thought any more about therapy?”
I drop my eyes to the ground. My sneakers are white with little flowers stitched on the sides. “A little.”
Her warm hand closes around mine. “I’m not trying to be pushy, but I think you should try.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. I’m not sure why I keep putting it off. It’s not that I’m anti-therapist. I think, deep down, I’m scared of someone telling me I’m wrong for having the feelings I do. Holding onto so much hurt for years can’t be normal, can it?
“Remember, I’m always here if you need to talk.” She gives me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” I don’tsoundthankful, but I am. My life got infinitely better when Noah hired her on as a nanny.
We return to the table with Maddie, and she immediately starts trying to sweet talk Sabrina into pizza.