I stand abruptly, the chair rolling backward and slamming into the wall.
My heart is pounding. My breathing is too fast.
I'm not?—
I wouldn't?—
But the footage is still playing. Emmaleen on screen is berating Jino. Telling him that if I do kill her, it will be his fault for not teaching her how to properly please me.
I feel sick.
See how perfect she is, my monster soothes.See? See?She doesn’t even mind if you kill her. She’s expecting it.
Emmaleen is asking Jino to teach her. Show her what she needs that I can't give her. "Show me what love is. The real thing. Whatever piece I'm missing. Whatever Giovanni's leaving out. Show me, Jino."
Jino hesitates. But Emmaleen takes his hand and guides it between her legs.
It was her, my monster rages.She betrayed you. She needs to go. Kill her, Giovanni. She's a witness to your crimes. She's disloyal. She's a problem with a very easy solution.
But on screen, my little Miss Take is so beautiful when Jino twists her nipple and delivers the pain. I will give her that tonight. Ididmake a mistake. I did. I will fix it.
"This is the difference," Jino is telling her. "Pain that serves a purpose. That heightens pleasure instead of replacing it."
Jino works her body with the precision of a man who's done this a thousand times. No hesitation. No uncertainty. He knows exactly where to touch, how hard to press, when to stop and when to push further.
Emmaleen arches into his hand, her breathing quickening, her legs falling open without him asking. She comes the first time with a broken cry, her hands fisting in the sheets. And when she's finally still, gasping for air, she whispers:
"More. Everything Giovanni won't give me."
The anger that should be flooding my system doesn't come.
Instead, there's... clarity.
Cold. Sharp. Unforgiving.
Everything Giovanni won't give me. She wants me to love her back. And she knows I can't do it. She didn't need Jino to tell her that. She knows.
And she doesn't care.
Because she's sick?—
No, the monster laughs.No. She doesn't care because she's a slut, Giovanni. She wants to be used. She only exists for your pleasure.She likes your abuse. She likes the welts and bruises. Why else would she be here if not to collect your bruises like medals? Why would she let you strike her last night when she could stop at any moment with a single word? Her bruises are badges she wears proudly.
They are, aren't they? She does like it. How fucked up is this woman that she likes my abuse?
How fucked up am I that I think what I did was help her?
The footage continues. He eats her out, she loves it.Loves. It. She grinds her pussy all over his face.
Rage brews inside me. The monster is right. It's fucking right. She's a little slut, and he's a traitor!
Jino is talking now, his voice low and measured. Emmaleen is responding, her voice is manic. She's trying to explain her love for me. And how Jino fits into the relationship.
Which is fucking ridiculous.
She insists she needs him to put her back together each morning after I break her each night.
I let out a long breath, sliding my hands up and down my face. What the fuck is this shit? What am I actually doing here?