But he never loved me.
He enjoyed spending time with me. And he definitely enjoyed fucking me.
Two years I spent in his bed. Two years of him coming home to me every night, and not once did he say the wordfuture.Not once did he talk about what we were building or where it was going. I didn’t need a ring. I needed a sentence. One sentence that told me he saw past next week.
When the pregnancy test came back positive, I sat on the bathroom floor for an hour trying to decide what to do.
Would he step up? Would he want this?
And even if he did, what did that look like? Raising a baby in a clubhouse? My kid would learn to walk in a bar that smelled of whiskey and motor oil, surrounded by men who carried guns and solved problems with their fists.
So I left. And I told myself I was protecting my son. And I have been telling myself that every day since, and it gets less convincing every time.
“Camilla’s fine with us being here.”
“Camilla has a newborn,” Duke tells me, as if I don’t know this. “Her husband is about to walk out here and say something polite about space. And then you’re not going to have anywhere to go.”
My throat tightens. He knows I don’t have any family or anybody else who will take us in.
Leo runs over and plants himself in front of Duke, one hand on Duke’s knee, chin tipped all the way back to see his face. “You’re big,” Leo says.
Duke crouches. They’re eye to eye now.
Brown hair. Blue eyes. The birthmark on Leo’s left hand that I have stared at a thousand times in the dark, tracing it with my thumb while he slept, thinking about the identical one on his father’s skin.
But Duke isn’t paying attention to that, thankfully.
“Your kid needs a room, Violet.”
Camilla returns. Her face is embarrassed and apologetic, and she is trying to hide both. “Vi, you know I want you to stay as long as you need to.”
“Violet is coming to stay with me,” Duke says.
Camilla’s eyebrows go up. She looks at me.
I open my mouth to say no. The word is right there, loaded and ready.
Saying no is a luxury I can’t afford. Not anymore.
“Temporarily.” I exhale, resigning myself to this fate. “He has a spare room,” I add, because Camilla’s face is doing a thing and I need her to stop.
“Two spare rooms,” Duke says.
Camilla looks at Duke, then she looks at me. Looks at Duke again. “You’ll take care of her?”
“That’s not what this is,” I say.
“Yes,” Duke says at the same time.
I look at the floor.
Duke is already pulling his keys from his pocket.
“A week,” I say, harder than I mean to. “Two, tops. Until I find a job and a place.”
“As long as you need to stay,” Duke replies.
“And I’m paying rent.”