“Strength is everything you symbolize, Char, and don't you ever fucking forget it.”
A tear falls from my eye as soon as I blink, and I force a swallow before responding quietly.
“Sometimes I just want to end it all. All the flashbacks and I can feel him crawling all over my skin. I hear his cruel, hurtful words whispered repeatedly in my mind when I am trying to sleep. I cannot stop it, no matter how hard I try.”
His eyes soften, and he swipes my fallen tears away with his thumb.
"It won't be easy. There is no quick answer or fix, and I cannot imagine what you're going through, but what I do know is that you have so much to give and live for, and you will get through this. I know you will because you always have.”
He brushes my hair with his fingers tenderly and peers deep into my eyes with sincerity.
“We must find a way to ignite our suffering like fuel and use it to bring warmth and light to the cold darkness that has consumed us.”
He lifts his head and gazes over at the turbulent sea in the distance.
“And just like the waves of the ocean, they might roar and crash, but they always come back stronger, especially during the stormiest of weather.”
I keep my eyes on him, thinking about his beautiful words as he thinks before his focus returns to me.
“But always know, Char, that I now sit in your darkest hours with you, and you will never be alone. Your tears and sadness now belong to me. You don't have to carry it by yourself; it's equally mine, and if it becomes too much to bear, I'll need you to fucking share it with me so I can shoulder the weight and give you some time to rest and revive.”
Chaos has always had a way with beautiful, poetic words as a musical artist and they always bring me calm.
“Will you try to do that for me?”
I sniffle before giving a tiny nod.
“I’ll try.”
He returns my nod and as we stare at each other for a beat, my gaze eventually drops to his lips before I adjust myself and sit up straighter, allowing the blanket to fall down my arms. I twist my body to face him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders before my eyes search his.
“Will you do something for me?”
He hesitates for a moment, his lips parting but no words come out, as if he knows what I am about to ask of him.
“I don’t trust anyone else to do it, but you were the one who..."
I pause when he glances away and looks down.
“You were the one who I first gave myself to; even if it wasn’t with the best intentions, it felt real to me and gentle.”
His eyes immediately return to mine, and he softly sweeps his warm palm down my bare arm.
“That’s because it was real. There was no fucking malice in it.”
As my eyes well with tears once more, there is a tremble in my whisper.
“I don’t want him to be the last. The last person to ever—”
I inhale deeply, collecting myself, knowing this will be hard for both of us.
“I understand I am asking a lot, Chaos, but I want to get rid of him and overcome the things he has done in any way I can. I need to replace him with new memories, and I know that sounds pretty fucked up.”
His eyes search mine with a small head shake as he tucks my damp hair behind my ear.
“It makes sense and that is not coming from some horny guy. If you didn’t want to do it ever again, I would have just used my hand for the rest of my fucking life.”
I cannot help the sobering giggle that escapes me when he smirks before he rests his forehead on mine and we both close our eyes.