“I know I have never told you that, but I do. I always have and I always fucking will. I should have told you sooner. I should have shown you sooner. I failed you, Char.”
He stands tall, cupping my cheeks, tilting my head back and he swipes my tears away from my cheeks. His eyes scan my features, pondering, full of emotion.
“You are right. I did tell you I wouldn’t stand in your way and even if I know this will fucking kill me in the process, I will let you go if that is really what you want because that is how much I love you and I don’t want to fail you again.”
When a sob escapes my throat, he presses his lips against mine and we open up for one another, our tongues uniting with love, and we become lost in the final moment between us. As we break away, he searches my eyes as he speaks.
“I hope you find peace; Lil Chaos and I’ll always be here if you’re ready to come back to me.”
I nod a couple of times, my heart breaking as he gives me one final lingering kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes, more tears streaming from them, and I whisper.
“Thank you.”
Istand in front of a huge mirror in a luxurious hotel bathroom after getting out of the shower. While in only my black lace bra and panties, a cigarette hangs from my lips. As I stare at myself, I take drag after drag before extinguishing it under the tap.
Suddenly the door opens and I side-eye to see the young, handsome guy I brought back here last night from the bar downstairs entering in his silk boxers, scratching his head with a yawn. He pauses, his eyes raking down my half nude body and I roll my eyes before looking aside.
When he comes to a stop behind me, I watch in the mirror as he brings his hands to the front of my exposed stomach, ready to kiss my neck, but I move my head away before speaking coldly.
“Get the fuck out. You were fucking useless last night, and you will be useless now.”
His dark eyes flash to mine in the reflection as he pauses, and I raise an expressionless eyebrow.
“Do I have to repeat myself?”
His sharp jaw tenses because of my bitter rejection as he stands tall before he speaks through gritted teeth.
“You cold little bitch.”
When I draw my eyes away, paying him no attention, he eventually walks away. I wait for him to collect his things in the bedroom and when I hear the hotel door slam shut after his departure, my eyes dart to mine in the mirror once again.
Men have become useless. Especially where sex is concerned. That one, gave me all the dirty talk last night in the bar, but when we came back to my hotel room and I went to the bathroom to freshen up, I walked in to find the fucker asleep on my bed.
I suppose it serves me right. The first time in eighteen months that I decided to fuck a guy and it was slapped in my face. I thought he could take my mind off what is happening today and stop me from doing something stupid, yet it was the opposite. I cannot stop thinking about the man that I love above all. He haunts my fantasies and dreams. Calling for me to return to him, yet I stay firm, telling myself it is for the best, I have too much to lose now.
As I step into the expansive, elegant gray bedroom, my sight is drawn to the towering floor-to-ceiling windows that offer a breathtaking morning view of the heart of New York City. I pause in front of them, soaking in the sight of the orange rays of the sunrise that filter through the skyscrapers that surround my penthouse suite.
After collecting my belongings from my Nana’s house, I went to board a bus in the pouring rain, but Reign stood by my side, his presence was a heavy reminder of our shared pain and the difficult decision I had made to leave. Neither of us wanted to part ways, but deep down, we both knew it was necessary for my healing, which I will always thank him for. He put his feelings aside to save me from myself.
Despite the guilt I felt about leaving him to deal with his own grief, I realized that it was needed in my journey towards strength and independence, as well as probably his. I was only holding him back from his greatness and power. Yet during our time apart, I had transformed from the vulnerable girl I once was into a woman I never thought I could become. Powerful, resilient, and unyielding.
Even though I promised him that I would reach out if I needed him, I never did. I did not want to burden him with my troubles, so I faced them alone, fighting through the darkness with a new sense of purpose. Did he try to contact me? Yes, but I didn’t respond. I thought it would be better if he moved on with his life and away from me.
Chaos's words that he once said echo in my mind: “Everything we go through, we grow through.” How painfully true that saying has become. God, how I miss that man and his way with words.Losing him was like losing a part of myself, but strangely, it also pushed me forward on a journey of self-discovery.
For a long time, I felt dead inside, unable to stop thinking about him dying in such a cruel way with so much ahead of him, blaming myself, yet in my darkest moments, I could feel his presence and blood, rushing through me in the loneliest times. His memory became my purpose, reminding me of the strength and courage I had, even when I felt like I was falling apart.
Over the last eighteen months, I have focused on mentally getting myself better and finishing my exams in Boston, but facing my demons today feels like I am stepping onto a battlefield. Only this time, I am armored with a new strength. I refuse to crumble under the weight of this world and the past. Just like a black swan emerging from darkness, I am ready to show everyone my new power, especially those who underestimated me.
Even though I left, I received a text from Lucy inviting me to her and Cody's wedding in New York City; their love lasted. It is daunting to know Reign will be there, but I told myself that I was not going for him. Our paths have separated, and I have accepted that we can never return to what we once were. My heart may still ache for him, but I must face the reality that he might have moved on as well.
My eyes dart to the alarm clock on the bedside cabinet, where the digits show it is seven o’clock. Knowing I only have two hours to travel to the venue, I stroll over to my dress that is hanging up in the wardrobe. When it is within reach, I gently run my palm over the black, luxurious material that sparkles in the light.
They say black is the color of death, yet it has always appealed to me most, so I will wear what the fuck I want. Lucy will understand. She doesn’t know I am coming, so I guess this will be a shock for everyone there.
When the hotel room phone rings, echoing through the vast space, I side-eye before whirling around and heading toward it. I pick up the leaver and place it to my ear.
“Hello?”