It dawns on me that perhaps I’m not that important. Club rules will always be more important than the wishes of some girl who isn’t an ol’ lady, or even a freaking sweetbutt. I’m nothing to them, not really. I’ve built it up in my head that the relationships between us all mean something, but I’ve seen for myself how Jack has acted since I was freed from Ledger, and it’s like I’m nothing more than a job to him. He hasn’t so much as given me a hug.
I know the last time we saw each other, everything had gone to shit, but I still thought he cared.
Then I remember what I did after that last time I saw Jack. I lost my virginity to Rook and Ace, and there’s no way Jack doesn’t know about it by now.
I don’t have a leg to stand on. No wonder he’s distantwith me. I slept with two of his men, and then he learned one of them took me via the backdoor in front a whole heap of strangers. Oh, God, the memory of the night in the clubhouse comes back to me, too. The stranger finger fucking me in full view of anyone who took care to watch. I had convinced myself the man with his fingers in my panties was Jack, but what if it wasn’t? What if it was some random stranger, some gross guy? It could have been, for all I know. Maybe Jack has heard about that, too? Shame engulfs me. I’m probably damaged goods in his eyes. Certainly not the kind of woman he’d want to get involved with.
Maybe he’s telling himself it was meant to be this way, that it cuts whatever invisible ties had formed between us, and that’s for the best. It’ll keep his relationship with his daughter solid, I suppose, and that’s the most important thing.
It still hurts, though. Even if he did nothing wrong. I understand that he needs to put his club and his relationship with Vani way ahead of me. I’d question the type of man he is if he didn’t.
“Hopefully not,” Ace says, “but it is possible.”
“You’ve changed your tune,” I point out. “You looked ready to murder him earlier.”
He shrugs. “I’ve had time to think. I’ve calmed down a bit.”
Has he truly forgiven Rook, or will he go for him again at some point?
I blow out a sigh. “I’ll go to Jack and tell him he must keep Rook in. It’s my fault all this happened, not his.”
He squeezes my shoulders. “I’m pretty sure Jack already knows how you feel, and he’ll take it into account.”
I slump back down, feeling terrible. “I hope so.”
Ace shifts his position slightly so he can look at me again. “Can I ask you something?”
My stomach knots as I wonder what’s coming now, but I dip my chin in agreement.
Ace continues. “Ghost said that before you were snatched, you were planning to leave anyway. They found your cell and you’d messaged your family to say you were coming to them.”
God, that all feels so long ago now. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“Are you still planning to do that?”
I let out a sigh. “Honestly, Ace, I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling right now. My head is a mess.”
He gives a lopsided smile, revealing dimples. “Because, if it makes any difference, I don’t want you to go.”
I give him a sad smile in return. “They’re my family.”
“We could become your family, too.”
The world mists with unshed tears and a lump forms in my throat. “Oh, Ace, we barely know each other.”
“We know enough.”
I press my lips together, and he pulls me into him.
“I don’t want you to go,” he murmurs into my hair.
“But it’s not only up to you, Ace.”
We know who I’m talking about. Jack’s the one who makes the decisions around here.
“He doesn’t want to see you gone either, Princess.” Ace strokes my hair. “I know he’s fighting his feelings right now, ‘cause it’s easier to do that than open himself up to the shit storm that will surround him once he acknowledges how he feels about you…”
“How does he feel about me?”