Even if it would hurt.
“Uhm, I’d like to say something and if you could just let me ramble through it until I get it all out?”
I leaned back in my seat and Daniel moved forward, our positions a mirror from before.
“Okay.”
I took a healthy swallow of my drink and set the glass down, rubbing the condensation off my fingers and onto my thighs. I’d settled on a pair of gray pants and an orangish button-up. I’d picked something as close to marigold as I could find becauseit was Sophie’s favorite, and because for as much as I wanted to keep the two of them separate in my head—and my heart—it was impossible. Daniel and Sophie were a package deal, as they should be, and that was what I wanted, that was one of the things I liked about them. I knew one partner would not be enough for me, I wanted two, I wanted it all.
Wanted everything.
I’d met Daniel on my lunch break, months before. Neil and Annette were in the middle of one of their fights, and I’d just had a midday drink with Neil. He was done with her, he’d promised, then he’d begged me to take him home and fuck him. We’d argued, because I’d fallen for that line before, and he’d stormed out of the bar and left me with the tab. I was angry at him, and I was horny for him, and then I’d run into Smith with Riggs on my way out the door and I’d been miserable to them both. After almost ruining both of those relationships, I decided a half-day of work was enough and I headed to the liquor store to get a bottle of scotch to take home with me.
That was where I met Daniel.
Gorgeous, happy, friendly Daniel. And he’d flirted with me in the most perfect way. He was everything I wanted Neil to be, even when he smiled up at me and asked for my phone number. I gave it to him, invited him over, and by the time he arrived, I’d had far too much to drink.
“I should start by apologizing for the situation I put you in the first time we met. I was not in a good head space, and it was not a good day. I shouldn’t have let you come over, and I certainly shouldn’t have kissed you. You were…you were so understanding and so gracious with me, and I made a fool of myself. I still don’t know why you answered when I called you two days later.”
I didn’t dare look at him to see his face or I’d lose the courage to keep talking, to keep remembering.
“The people I’d been with had taken advantage of me. They hurt me pretty bad, and then I turned around and took advantage of you. I used you to make myself feel better,” I went on. “And that was wrong and I’m sorry for it.”
“Finn.”
I shook my head, swallowing hard.
“Finn, listen.” Daniel tapped his fingers against the table and when he lifted his hand, my gaze followed. He stared at me with so much understanding and sympathy I wanted to be sick over it. I certainly didn’t deserve his empathy.
“You said you’d let me ramble.”
“Ramble, sure. Self-deprecate, no.”
I clenched my jaw and nodded.
“I wasn’t looking for anything important then,” Daniel said gently. “Sophie was getting ready to move, and I didn’t know what the future of our relationship was going to look like. The fact you were a mess honestly made it easier for me. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere.”
I winced, snatching my drink from the table and finishing it off. The cherries weren’t the good dark ones, instead the cloyingly sweet neon-colored ones, so I let them marinate in the ice at the bottom of my glass.
“But by the time things ended between us, I was sad over it,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sad because I knew there was someone so special and kind and deserving beneath the facade you were presenting.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, and fuck was I.
“This feels kind of like fate, don’t you think?”
I rolled my eyes at him, and Daniel laughed.
“I’m not sure I believe in fate,” I said.
“Well, there’s obviously something at play to bring us together before and back together now.” Daniel chewed on hislower lip and I allowed myself to look. “I liked you then, Finn. I like you now. I’d like to keep liking you, if that’s all right.”
“Obviously.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Do you like me?”