“Yes, because that laugh… that not dealing with your shit. Is going so well for you.”
“Fuck you.” She snaps out.
“Good.”
“What?”
“Good. Let it out.”
“Fuck you!” She shouts again before she pushes me. “Fuck you for having this amazing relationship with him after I left that I’m envious of.” I smirk at her.
“Yeah, well, fuck you.”
“What?” she shouts again.
“Fuck you for knowing about our him for three goddamn years before I did.”
“I told you.”
“This isn’t about you. This is about getting out the anger, this is about the fact that I’m fucking jealous of so many things you got to do with him I never will be able to.” I tell her. “I’m not blaming you.” She laughs. “Fuck you for waiting months before you even attempted to tell me.” She looks away. “Yeah, that one I am blaming you for.” She smirks up to me. “What else?”
“Fuck you.” She shouts again. “For always knowing when I’m upset and not letting me cry it out alone.”
“Nope.”
“Why?” she screams at me, and I laugh out loud.
“Don’t you remember the last time I could tell that something was wrong with you. I found you damn near overdosed.” She looks at me again. “Babydoll, you are my responsibility, like it or not. You’re never getting rid of me.”
“Why?” she shouts again.
“Because…”
“Because why?”
“Ugh!” Leaning my head back, I shout, looking back at her. “Because no one I’ve ever met has ever compared to you. Because I’ve been so goddamn in love with you since I picked you up at that fucking club!”
“But you won’t fuck me now?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because you need to deal with your fucking feelings.”
“I’ve dealt with them.”
“Bullshit.” I look at her. “Your dad and I used to talk about you all the time. He would tell me how proud of you he was.” I can see the water forming. “How amazed he was that you turned out as good as you did when he raised you around here your entire life. And fuck, last week he told me how fucking proud of you he was for how amazing of a mom you are.” The last words send the tears over.
“He didn’t.” She whispers through the tears.
“He did. El, it is okay to be sad and to cry about things.” She continues to look at me, my own eyes defying me and I feel the burning sensation in them. I nod my head slowly before tears slide down her face. “Shit, come here.” I pull her into me before she cries hard into my chest and I’m taken years in the past where I’m holding her on the couch in Khan’s house as she cries into my shirt. “It’s okay Babydoll, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”
The next morning, we all decide to pick up where we thought we were heading. Ella and I awkwardly move around one another before we pack up Jag and we caravan up to Bakersfield and drop off the kids with Lucy and Billie.
“Okay, Bug. Are you going to be good for everyone?” He nods his head before I smile. Looking over at me, he rushes up and hugs me tightly and my heart slightly breaks. “Again, bullshit.” Ella whispers, causing me to laugh.
“You’re coming back, right?” he whispers into my ear and I choke out a yes.