“We’re done, Cole,” I said as thoughit were obvious.
“Come again?” his voice wasdeceptively soft as he stared down at me.
“We’re done,” I said again, determinedto sound far more confident than I actually felt.
“The fuck we are,” he growled.
“Ohno,” I said, my anger flaring. “This is not the time for you to assert yourmacho bullshit. You do not get to decide this. You already made your decisionwhen you disappeared into a whiskey bottle and told me some really fuckinghurtful shit following one of the worst weeks I’ve had in my life!” I exclaimed,my voice rising. “Now it’s my turn and I say we are –done,” I said emphatically.
I glared at him and he stared back atme. I watched his entire face change from frustration to something close toreverence. I braced for what he was about to say.
“We aren’t. We’ll never be done,” hereturned without hesitation. “I’m yours and you’re mine. I said something Ididn’t mean, it came out entirely wrong. And I’m sorry I hurt you… reallyfucking sorry, baby. But we’ll work it out. There just isn’t another option,”he said.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Let meclue you in. The other option is for us to bedone!” I shrieked, trying to close the door on him again but hequickly put his boot in the way.
“We can’t be done. I’m in love withyou,” he said quietly.
Dammit. Those words caused my anger todesert me, and tears immediately filled my eyes. “How can you say that to me?”I whispered hoarsely. “You basically force me to tell you some reallyunpleasant shit and then hours later you can’t look at me? That’s not love,Cole,” I said as I shook my head.
His eyes softened as he looked at mynow tear-streaked face.
“No one has ever loved anyone as muchas I love you,” he said, undeterred by my comment. “I admit, I let that shitfester. The fact that fucker ever laid a hand on you is eating me up inside.The fact that he grabbed you right from under my fucking nose combined witheverything you told me yesterday is really fucking hard for me to swallow, Iadmit. But I should have just let it out. I was trying to protect you byholding it in, that was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”
I simply stared at him, not allowingmy reaction to his words show.
He blew out a breath. “Baby, there’sno one else in this world I’d rather look at than you. You are the mostbeautiful thing in my world whether you’re all done up to hit the town or asyou are now, tearful and exhausted. In that moment, I just couldn’t see past myown shit,” he said and paused for a minute, assessing me closely. “I can see thatyou’re not ready to move past this. But I’m not leaving whether I’m in bed withyou or on the couch. We can talk more tomorrow,” he said firmly.
“Fine,” I grumbled, my shouldersslumping. I knew he meant what he said and I just didn’t have it in me to fighthim anymore. “The couch it is.” I gestured to it. I felt exhausted by ourexchange and just wanted to be alone. I could feel my resolve wavering and thatscared me. I walked away from him, leaving the door open behind me and heardhim follow me inside. I clicked the TV off, and without a look back I went intoConnie’s guest room and shut the door.
I curled back up into my now familiarball. I tried so hard to stifle the sobs that inevitably started. Witheverything that had happened the last few days and how little sleep I’d beengetting, I was utterly unable to keep my emotion in check. When I heard thedoor open I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Scoot over, baby,” his deep voiceordered softly.
“No,” I choked.
“Notgonnalay out there and listen to you in herecryin’ andnot do anything about it. Scoot,” he said again, bending down to gently shiftme over. He crawled in behind me and pulled my body to his so that we werespooning.
I hated how amazing it felt to havehis strong arms wrapped around me-- hated how much I needed him, how much Iloved him. I wanted to force him away from me or to remain stiff in his arms,but I simply couldn’t fight it.
“Love you, baby,” he whispered, hismouth at my ear. “I’m sorry.” He squeezed me tighter.
I merely hiccupped as my tearssubsided and I started to drift off.
When I woke, I realized that Cole wasstill beside me and I could tell from his breathing that he was awake. Great. Iwas facing away from him and I stared at the wall trying to collect myself.
“How long do you want to pretend you’resleepin’?” his deep voice rumbled.
Dammit.
“A little bit longer,” I answered.
He chuckled before rolling toward meand he pulled me back toward his body. “Baby, do you honestly think what I wasworking out that night had anything to do with how I feel about you?” he asked,his deep, sleepy voice causing an involuntary reaction between my legs.
“No,” I answered honestly. I’d hadtime to think about this somewhat rationally. I knew he loved me and that hewas just lashing out, but that in itself was part of the problem. “But I dothink that if you can’t work shit out with me then we don’t have much to workwith,” I answered quietly. “Leaving the house like everything’s fine and thennot even calling, just disappearing into a whiskey bottle and lashing out atme…I’m not going to put up with that shit, Cole.”
“I know,” he answered withouthesitation.
“I still need some time,” I whispered.