“Tobias.” I cup his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. “I’m not afraid of you. I want you—allof you—even the parts you think are broken.”
His eyes squeeze shut, and when he opens them, all that careful control has shattered. He looks young and exposed, stripped down to someone he hasn’t let anyone see in a very long time.
Then his hands find my hips, his grip tightening, as if his decision has been made.
“If we do this, you have to be in control. The memories, they make me…” He swallows hard, then shakes whatever he wasabout to say away. “If you’re on top, you can set the pace, and I want you to have that power. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“And if anything feels wrong, you tell me immediately.”
“I will.”
He exhales, and the sound is shaky. Then his hands are finding the hem of my shirt, and I lift my arms, letting this man I just met undress me in a haunted tower that’s falling into the sea, and somehow, I feel safer than I have in weeks.
“How are you real?” he asks, and the wonder in his eyes makes any doubts I had disappear in a heartbeat.
“I could say the same to you.” The words come out before I’m fully aware I’m speaking them. “I spent years being invisible to the only person I’ve ever loved, and you’ve seen more of me in one night than he did in years.”
His forehead drops to mine, his breathing unsteady. “When I was in your mind, I felt your pain every time he looked past you,” he says, his thumbs tracing circles on my hips. “And I kept thinking—how could he not see this? How could anyone have you right there and look the other way?”
There’s nothing I can say that would be enough.
So I kiss him instead, pouring everything I can’t articulate into the press of my lips against his.
We undress each other slowly, piece by piece, and by the time we’re both bare, my heart’s pounding so hard I can barely hear the waves crashing outside. Then he’s pulling me into his lap, and I’m straddling him, my knees pressing into the worn cushions on either side of his hips. We’re chest to chest, skin to skin, close enough that I can feel his heart slamming against mine.
He’s hard against my stomach, and the sensation makes me gasp.
This is real. This is happening. I’m naked in the lap of a man I met two weeks ago, in a tower at the edge of the sea, and the careful girl who always made decisions that were safe and expected is nowhere to be found.
I don’t know where she went, but I don’t think I want her back.
“Are you okay?” Concern fills his eyes. “If you’re not ready… if you changed your mind…”
“I haven’t changed my mind.” I swallow hard and hold his gaze. “I want this. I wantyou.”
He exhales, some of the tension leaving his shoulders.
“Then whenever you’re ready.” His hands settle on my hips, steady and supportive. “We’ll go as slow as you need.”
I reach between us and wrap my fingers around him, positioning him at my entrance.
My hand’s shaking, my heart beating so hard I’m sure he can feel it through my thighs. This is the point of no return. After this, Tobias Cane is written into my body permanently, and the cautious girl who almost backed out of coming here tonight walks out as someone different.
I want to be someone different. Because I refuse to keep being the girl who settles for almost. This is real, this is me choosing someone who’s choosing me back, and for once in my life, I’m going to have a moment that’smineinstead of being the person who’s always watching from the sidelines.
Before I can think about it further, Tobias’s hand leaves my hip and finds mine, lacing our fingers together and squeezing. It’s such a small thing, but his grip is steady, and when I squeeze back, his eyes go soft and open in the way that only his can, and I know he’s as scared as I am.
So, I keep my eyes locked on his as I lower myself to take him inside me.
There’s pressure at first, then a stretch that burns more than I expected. The discomfort makes me pause, and my fingers dig into his shoulders, my breath coming in shallow bursts.
“Take your time.” He’s barely holding on, but his hands are gentle and grounding. “We can stop if you need to.”
“I don’t want to stop.” I breathe deeply, letting my body adjust. It hurts more than I thought it would, and my eyes sting, and I’m not sure if that’s the pain or the overwhelming reality that I’m actually doing this.
He holds perfectly still beneath me, shaking with the effort of not moving. His eyes are fixed on my face, searching, like he’s waiting for me to realize what I’m doing and pull away.