“You’ve written like half of my catalogue, Benny.Mine. Don’t you think I deserve to know that?”
“We weren’t exactly talking. I thought of it like a business transaction.”
“It’s a little more personal than that.” I scoff, thinking about some of the lyrics I’ve sung that he’s penned. “You wrote about breakups and first loves and being the person you’re meant tobe. Those all meant so much to me, but they mean more knowing you came up with them.”
“I can appreciate that now. When you showed up at my house, I had a moment where I thought you were here because you’d figured it out.”
“Were you testing me?”
“Not at all. But you know how important it is to me to keep my quiet life. If it leaks that I’m the songwriter, I worry it’ll blow up what I’ve created here. I can’t…you know how sick my grandma was. She loves all this celebrity stuff, but she wanted to drive all those paparazzi out this morning on her own with a broom. I can’t afford to invite any of that back. Not for my sake, but especially not for hers.”
Nancy’s heart. I didn’t even consider the other reasons Benny might have for keeping things quiet, or how valid they are.
I lean against the back of the Bronco, nodding. “I understand. It hurts that you didn’t trust me, but I can see why you kept the secret.”
“It’s notyouI don’t trust. I debated telling you when you first arrived, but we were still getting reacquainted. It didn’t really come up until today, and we were surrounded by people.”
“Reacquainted?” I tilt my head, taking all of him in. “I like the sound of that word. If we got back together, do you think people would call us Brenny again?”
His body is frozen in place, like he’s not sure if he should move or not, but an amused smile plays over his lips. “I’d hope by now they could come up with something better.”
“I can see all the reasons this isn’t going to last, Benny,” I say, my voice small and quiet. “Or Ben. Sorry. It’s just a habit.”
“You can call me Benny. You officially have my permission.”
There’s strain in my smile. “I understand why you can’t really be publicly associated with me. I’m not interested in being the center of attention anymore, but I’m not sure I can be donewith music entirely. I know we aren’t logically compatible, but that doesn’t make me want you less.”
He takes a measured step toward me, shaking his head slightly. “I’ve spent ten years quietly watching you from far away, Bree, and it’s never felt satisfying. It’s nothing like having you close, hearing your laugh, sharing my days with you. It was clear to me yesterday that if I had to choose between a quiet life and you, I’d choose you a hundred times over.” He swallows hard. “But my grandma has taken care of me. She’s been there for me. I can’t…she has to be my priority.”
“I understand.” The two small words hurt so much because of how true they are. If I was in his shoes, I’d feel the same way. Idofeel the same way. Nancy has come to mean something to me, too, and I can’t imagine doing anything to jeopardize her health in any way. I certainly can’t ask Benny to leave her and follow me around the country while I flit from place to place, touring and singing shows and making appearances, especially when I know how deeply he dislikes that whole world.
In the last week, since my song released and all the fans came to Jaida’s defense, I realized how brittle and hollow their support really felt. Yes, I had fans who guessed my release day earrings, and we made a game out of it together. But what do those things even matter compared to loving someone real and warm and solid?
“What if I leave it all behind?” I whisper.
“Bree, you can’t.”
“Maybe not entirely. But I don’t need to sing in sold out stadiums. After all this, I’ll be lucky if I sell out another stadium ever again. I mean…I can live a more private life too. I can try, at least. We can hire more security, and things could find a semblance of normal.”
His smile is indulgent. “Nothing about having a security team isnormal.”
“Okay, that’s fair. I’m brainstorming, Benny. I want to be with you.”
He grows serious. “I want to be with you, too.”
Benny grips my waist, lowering his mouth to mine with the faintest brush of his lips. He leans back to look at me, then he returns, his kiss eager and his hands tightening around me. He presses me against the back of the Bronco while he pours every emotion into kissing me, showing me that he feels every bit the same way I do. Time doesn’t matter. Our waiting family doesn’t matter. All the reasons we shouldn’t be together are moot while I’m in his arms. I don’t know where this is going to lead, but I know I want it to be both of us against the world.
“I care about you so much, Bree,” he says.
“You have no idea.” I pull him in and kiss him until I can’t remember what we were ever talking about in the first place.
It’s Tuesday morning,and Benny and Colby snuck over through the backyard so they can be here when my new song and video drop. Nancy’s supposed to come, too, but she hasn’t shown up yet.
Olive pads out in her pajamas, and Zoey’s wearing yoga pants and an oversized T-shirt, yet both of my sisters still look Instagram-worthy. Olive sits between Colby and Zoey, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“Isn’t it like ten in the morning your time?” Colby asks.
“Yeah, which means half of the country has seen Lonnie’s segment already.” She turns to face me, where I’m sharing a large chair with Benny, his arm draped around my waist. “How are you feeling?”