"Can I ask you for one thing?”
“Anything.”
"It's not even a thing. It's a thing I'm asking you to tell me when you're doing it."
"Okay?"
"You said the leaving part of you is loud right now. The bedroom is what you're feeding it tonight. But it's going to want more. Right? That's how it works. It gets a little, and then it wants a little more. So when it asks for more, will you tell me?"
"What do you mean, tell you?”
"Tell me, Red. Like you told me tonight. Don't just start being a little colder or a little more polite, and tell yourself you're being careful for the case. That's not careful. That's the leaving thing again, and I won't always know which one is which. So tell me. Same way you did tonight."
"Okay."
"Promise me?”
"I promise."
He looks at me for another long second. He doesn't try to come closer. I can tell he's forcing himself not to. After a moment, he steps back into the hallway properly.
"Night, Red."
"Night, Ty."
I close the door.
I lean my forehead against the wood. I don't move for a minute.
The bracelet is on my wrist. I look at it. The littleNcatches the lamplight. I take it off, put it on the nightstand, and stare at it for a second.
Then I put it back on. He didn't ask me to take that off. That wasn't part of it.
I get under the covers. The sheets are cold, and the pillow doesn't smell like him.
Across the hall, the bathroom tap runs for a minute and stops. A drawer closes. His bed lets out a familiar creak as he sinks onto the mattress.
The house goes quiet.
I lie there with my hand over the bracelet, and I try to sleep.
I don't, not for a long time.
37
TYLER
It’s been a week since Jessica showed up, and I'm drowning.
Not in a visible way. On the surface, I'm functional, showing up to practice, coming home, caring for Harper, holding Nora at night, and telling her it's going to be okay. I'm saying all the right things, going through all the right motions.
But underneath, somewhere no one can see, I'm coming apart.
It’s Friday night, and Harper's been down since seven-thirty. Nora has her lamp on and her book open, asleep over it the way she does sometimes, exhausted from the week of preparation and worry and pretending not to worry. I covered her with a blanket around ten and came upstairs to my room.
I can't sleep.
What if the judge gives Jessica shared custody?