“Lyrius.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“You still doing that shit?” His eyes locked onto mine.
“Doing what?”
“Deciding for me.” The words landed hard because suddenly, we weren’t talking about schedules anymore. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. “When shit gets complicated, you make plans. Like your solution to everything is deciding what’s best for Lyrius and tell everybody else involved afterward.” I looked away because his words were hard to hear. “You wanna know something?” I glanced back up. “I don’t know what the fuck to do with you, Lyrius.”
The confession came out rough, but it hit me somewhere deep because the version of KO I spent years grieving was a lot easier to deal with than the one standing in front of me now. The one who laughed with my son and bought matching outfits. The one who looked at me like he still saw something worth wanting.
“I don’t know what to do with being mad at you.” My breath caught. “I don’t know what to do with the shit you did. And I damn sure don’t know what to do with the fact that none of that stops me from wanting you.”
“Exactly,” I whispered, “which is why we need a schedule.”
For a second, he looked like he wanted to argue. Then Dakoda’s voice cut across the aquarium.
“Mama! Daddy! Come look!”
KO closed his eyes briefly before looking toward our son, and I took the opportunity to step back and create space. Because right now, space was exactly what we needed.
“This conversation not over, Lyrius,” KO said, and I just nodded my head and kept walking away because, as far as I was concerned, it was—at least until I figured out how to look at him without remembering everything I’d lost and everything I still wished we could have.
“Keep your damn hands up.” Pops’ glove clipped the side of my head again.
“Shit.”
“That makes five!” he shouted. “Five hits I shouldn’t have gotten off.”
“Boy rusty as hell.” Jaylen laughed from outside the ring.
“I ain’t rusty.”
“You right.” Jaylen pointed. “You distracted.”
I adjusted my stance and circled Pops again. The truth was, Jaylen was right. My mind hadn’t been in the gym all morning. Hell, it hadn’t really been in the gym all week. It was with Lyrius. It was with Dakoda. It was with that damn schedule she’d beentrying to talk to me about since the aquarium, the same schedule I thought I wanted but didn’t know if I wanted anymore.
This morning should’ve been about Dakoda. His first day of kindergarten. Instead, it was awkward as hell. We pulled up in separate cars after leaving the same apartment. We walked into the school together and stood next to each other without talking while his teacher welcomed him to class. We took some pictures and then turned around and acted like we weren’t sleeping ten feet apart every night. That shit felt stupid. It seemed like the closer we got to figuring out this co-parenting arrangement, the more I realized I didn’t want one. I wasn’t interested in every other weekend pick-ups and drop-offs, splitting holidays and shit. That wasn’t the family I wanted for my son.
“KO!” Pops’ voice snapped me back to the present a split second too late, because his glove was already cracking me upside my head.
“Shit!” I hissed again.
“Six!” Pops shook his head as I stumbled back. “Break.” Pops held up his hand.
I dropped onto the stool in the corner and grabbed my water bottle. Jaylen immediately walked over.
“Baby mama drama eating that boy up.”
“I don’t have baby mama drama.”
“Then why did you just let Pops beat your ass for thirty minutes?”
“You wanna tell us what’s got you distracted?” Pops sat down beside me and started adjusting the tape around his wrist.
“Nah.” I took a long pull from my water.
“It’s Lyrius.” Jaylen didn’t even hesitate. “Definitely Lyrius.”