Then he backs away.
I’m in awe as he slowly turns his back to me, reaches up to turn the overhead light off, and walks out of the room without saying a single word of his own.
I grasp the blankets under my chin, take a deep breath, and listen as he makes his way down the hallway and out the front door.
When I hear the soft click of the door and his heavy footsteps descend the steps, I can finally breathe again.
Fluffing my pillow, I smile and whisper, “Good night, Collins.”
COLLINS
I tried. Honest to God, I did.
I took the drunk girl home where she belongs.
But does she, though?
Does she belong over there all by herself, at a time like this? It just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m back over at her front door before I can talk myself out of it.
I stomp right back up those deck steps, in the front door, through the living room and down the hall.
What I hear next sends my heart straight from my chest to the floor.
She’s fucking crying.
I walk right through the door and stand beside the bed. She looks up, as though she isn’t a damn bit surprised to see me back here.
“It just hurts so much being here without her. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without her? I don’t knowhow to live in a world she doesn’t exist in. I don’twantto know how to do that.” She sniffs and wipes her tears with the sheets.
“I don’t know how to tell you to do that, Johnnie, but I can tell you that I miss her too and I’m here for you. If you let me.”
She holds the covers up and scoots over. “Can you just sit with me a while?”
My feet are moving toward her before I have a chance to decide if it’s a bad idea or not. I lower down beside her, and she moves into my side. My arm comes around her, our bodies remembering each other, melting together like they’re back where they belong, no matter how much time I’ve spent trying to forget.
Johnnie lays her head on my chest. I can feel her warm tears soaking through my shirt. I rub a hand up and down her back, and I’m not sure if I’m comforting her or myself, but having her here, like this, is easing some of the ache inside me.
“I had a fiancé.” She speaks so softly, and yet that sentence is so sharp I can physically feel it.
I remain quiet, just continuing to run my hand up and down to comfort her, hoping she’ll elaborate. The air in my lungs feels trapped and my heart doesn’t pick up speed—it stutters, like it might stop altogether.
“I really tried. I’ve tried so many times to move on from that summer with you. I just haven’t been able to do it. His name is Greg, and he’s actually a really good man. Things were going better with him than they had with anyone else since you, and I really thought I could do it…I thought I could be happy.” She sighs and turns her face into my side. I stare up at the ceiling, jaw tight. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with that confession, so I clear my throat.
“What changed?” I don’t know if I really care to know the answer, but what the hell else am I supposed to say?
“I think I just started to realize that loving him was safe and good…but it was empty. Hollow.”
She starts to raise her head, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared to look into someone’s eyes. That feeling only amplifies when the dim light reflects off the tears still clinging to her lashes.
“When I think about how I love you, Collins? It feels absolutely terrifying, but it makes me feel alive. I think that’s the only kind of love worth having.”
In that very moment, every single scar on my heart that formed after she left starts to fade. They’ll never be completely gone, but I know that every moment after this, they’re going to continue becoming lighter.
I bend down slightly to kiss her forehead and she lays her head back on the pillow.
“I still love you, too.” The words are out before I can stop them, and I’m immediately pissed at myself.
The anger toward myself dissipates when she sighs and I feel her hand lightly squeeze my bicep. I think she’s asleep. She lets out the slightest moan, bringing her knee up to connect with my balls. Yep, definitely asleep. And I’ve never been happier to have my sack smashed in my life.