His voice is rough, thick with something that sounds a lot like pain. Not anger. Not anymore.
Understanding.
“No wonder you left,” he continues, quieter now. “No wonder you stayed away.”
Each sentence lands heavier than the last, squeezing my lungs until it’s hard to breathe.
“Every single question I’ve had for the last decade suddenly makes sense.”
A decade.
Ten years of confusion. Of wondering. Of filling in blanks with the worst possible answers.
He inhales deeply, like he needs the air just to keep going. And when his eyes lock onto mine, really lock this time, it steals whatever breath I had left.
Because I’ve seen that look before.
I’ve seen it on the worst day of my life. The day everything broke. The day I almost didn’t come back from the edge.
“You’ve punished yourself long enough. It ends here. Do you hear me? My biggest regret is not knowing the truth. I should have pushed harder, I should have never given up on demanding answers. I would have held your hand through all of it. Through everything.”
My eyes start to water, spilling over the crests of my eyelids immediately.
“You interpreted so much of what happened in the wrong way. Have you ever thought that maybe someone was trying to save you? God, the universe, a higher power…whatever it is that has a hand in all this.” He points a finger upward and circles it in the air.
“Whoever or whatever it is knew your heart.” He takes his palm and places is on my chest, the warmth seeping through and warming my heart. “Knew that you could never live with yourself if you went through with an abortion. So, instead of making you have to make a decision like that, it was made for you. Maybe the baby wasn’t meant for this earth because it wasn’t createdfrom love. Or maybe it was created from love but the timing was all wrong. And when you were pregnant five years later, and you lost that baby…maybe it’s because divine intervention knew that the only baby of yours meant to walk this earth was one you make with me. Because that’s the truth, John. We’re meant to be together. I knew it then, and I know it now. You want a baby? I’ll make a million babies with you. Or I’ll die trying.”
I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to stop it from trembling.
“There isn’t an ounce of you that’s anything other than good. You’re as pure as you’ve always been, you just got dealt a really shitty hand. And I’m prepared to spend every day for the rest of my life—from here on out reminding you of that—making you believe it, if I have to.”
Coming up to my knees, I throw myself into his waiting arms, and it’s the most complete I’ve felt since I was seventeen years old.
“I had to walk through so much hurt, Collins. But I did it and I’m better for it.”
He wraps me up tight and presses a kiss to my head.
“I don’t want to go back to Texas. I don’t want to ever leave you again.”
“I’m so proud of you. You’re my hero, John. Don’t leave me. Stay here. This is your home. We can figure everything out in time. Just, please. Please be with me. Stay.”
I have no time to come up with any sort of response before he’s laying me down gently, head hitting the pillows. His hands don’t leave my face except to grab my hip, urging it up and draping my leg over his. And he kisses me. Slow, so slow I can feel the brush of his lips all the way through me, until it pierces my heart. I grab onto both sides of his face, like he’ll melt away if I don’t grasp hard enough.
We kiss and kiss until both our heads fall limp and sleep takes over once again.
Just when I fall under the depths of consciousness, I hear the words that make everything I’ve been through worth it, just to end up right here, right now.
Safe.
Not judged.
Forgiven.
“I love you.” His whispers travel, echoing through time and space, landing on a part of my soul that only one person has ever touched.
CHAPTER 44
collins