Anna’s words seemed to echo in Phoebe’s mind as she walked back and forth, trying to calm herself. Her wedding dress fluttered and swayed back and forth around her body, while her heart shook in her chest.
She had never been so nervous in her life. She had barely slept the night before and instead of feeling tired, her thoughts were scattered, like ashes in the wind.
Not for the first time, she missed her parents dearly. Her father was a kind man who never hesitated to tease his wife and children, always easing their concerns with a single smile. Her mother was the gentlest person she’d ever known, her touch and words ever able to soothingly uplift their spirits.
Phoebe felt so lost on how to feel now, overwhelmed by all the emotions and uncertainly swirling within her.
“Must you do this?”
Phoebe faltered in her step and slowly turned to face Anna. Her sister had seemed much better after their talk, but now, her expression had dimmed again and it made Phoebe worry.
“What do you mean?” she asked as she approached her younger sister.
“I just... I still feel bad. Not just because I wasn’t able to perform my duty to the family. You shouldn’t – it’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to give yourself away to save us. Even if you say it is all right, I still cannot watch you do this –”
Phoebe put her arms around Anna and held her close, keeping her hold secure and warm as Anna began to cry. They remained in that position until Anna’s sobs calmed down and then Phoebe leaned away slightly.
“Please do not feel bad, Anna. At first... I was unsure if this was a good thing to do. But as this day grew closer, I began to feel something I had not felt in a while – relief. I am so relieved that I am able to do even more to help our family. I am relieved to think that the nightmare that had plagued us so recently is almost over. And if this is what needs to be done in order for you to enjoy your debut season without worrying too much about making a profitable match, whilst also easing some of Rowland’s concerns – then I would marry as many times as I need to.” She assured her gently.
“Aren’t you scared?” Anna asked quietly.
“I am,” Phoebe nodded. “I'm nervous and worried, but that won’t stop me from doing my best, just as I have all these years. That is all I can do.”
Anna nodded, and pulled Phoebe close again, holding onto her tightly.
“I wish mama and papa were here, but I know they would be really proud of you regardless.” Anna whispered softly.
Tears filled Phoebe’s eyes and she squeezed them shut, focusing on the warmth that surrounded her as she told herself that everything would be just fine.
Seconds later, there was a knock at the door and Phoebe turned her head in the direction of the door without letting go of Anna as she called out,
“Come in!”
Rowland walked in and smiled at the sight of them, approaching them with open arms. He joined he embrace, dropping a kiss on their heads. They stayed like that for a bit, then Rowland sighed deeply, before he spoke up.
“I'd hate to interrupt this wonderful moment but... Phoebe, it’s time.”
CHAPTER SIX
The church was fuller than Phoebe had expected.
She stood at the entrance of the nave with a hand braced on Rowland's arm, and the moment she crossed the threshold, she felt the weight of every pair of eyes in the room settle upon her. The pews were lined with people she did not know – associates and peers of the duke, she supposed, men and women of considerable rank who had come to witness what was surely, in their estimation, the strangest match of the season.
Perhaps of any season.
She kept her chin up, reminding herself that she had stood beneath the scrutiny of people like these before. She had survived her single disastrous season, had endured all of the negative reactions she had received. She could survive this. After all, she only needed to get through the next hour.
Still, she was acutely aware of the scar. She always was, in rooms like this. It pulled at her attention constantly, insistently, quite impossible to ignore. She resisted the urge to turn her face, to angle it away from the light streaming through the tall windows, as though doing so might diminish what everyone could already see.
She wondered what they thought of it. What they made of her. A viscount's sister with no fortune and a face that had kept her unmarried well past the usual age – marching down the aisle to be wed to a duke. They were probably bewildered. Some of the kinder ones, perhaps, felt a passing sympathy. The less charitable ones, she imagined, were already whispering to their neighbours.
“How on earth did she manage such an unexpected proposal?”
“What could he possibly want with her?”
“Surely there is some mistake. Will he really go through with this charade?”
Phoebe exhaled slowly through her nose and fixed her gaze straight ahead, down the long aisle toward the altar.