Mateo had no memories after collapsing in front of the hikers, not until he woke up in the hospital eight days later. His parents had been by his side, like nothing had happened, like they hadn't quite literally abandoned him to die alone on the side of a mountain.
They might have wanted to pretend it didn't happen, but Mateo could never forget.
Never forget pleading with his parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, and cousins, not to leave him. The overwhelming terror when they told him they had to leave so they could live, like his death was a foregone conclusion. Fourteen was far too young to be facing your own mortality.
His life had changed forever that day, and he’d never been able to go back. The second he’d turned eighteen, he’d gone no contact, and blocked everyone everywhere, and had nothing to do with them in the intervening twenty years.
Fighting had taught him to shield his heart and his emotions, not just his body, and in all these years, there had only been one person able to get past his shields. One woman with the softest red hair he’d ever tangled around his fists as he kissed her until he couldn’t breathe, with the plumpest lips he’d ever touched, and the sweetest pair of blue eyes he’d ever gotten lost staring into.
Now that woman was suffering through hell, and it was all his fault. Brushing his fingers across the bracelet in his pocket, he tried to remember that one day he’d make sure it got back to her. Once she was home, safe.
“You here to fight tonight?” the SEAL who’d saved him asked as Mateo stormed into the gym. The man had been his only realfriend for the last two decades. Robert Romano might skirt the law, running an underground fighting ring that was frequented by gangs, where illegal gambling happened, and drugs were freely available for sale, but the man had served his country, and if this was how he had to deal with the horrors he’d seen and endured, then Mateo thought he should be left alone to do it.
“Yeah. I need to.”
After giving him a scrutinizing onceover, Robert nodded. “I’ll throw you in the fight after this one. Go get changed and warmed up.”
There was comfort to be found in the familiarity of this place. This was where he’d rebuilt himself, this was the place that had saved his life because he’d been heading down a bad road before Robert found him.
This was also where he’d first made contact with Griffin and used it as an in to get into Azure.
Tonight, though, he had to banish all thoughts of Azure, of his family and the past, of Ally and the future that was stolen from them.
Too much emotion was never a good thing. If he hadn't been able to harness the same skills his parents used when they were able to walk away from him and leave him to die, he wouldn't be able to work undercover. So he supposed he had to thank them for that.
Guess he was their son after all because he’d walked away from Ally today knowing she was suffering. He ignored the suffering of all the women who fell victim to Azure because he was focused on the justice of destroying the trafficking ring completely, just like how his family had focused on saving those they thought could be saved, rather than trying to save all of them.
Shame washed over him as he changed into shorts and began taping up his hands. For two decades, he’d refused to speak tohis family, have anything to do with them at all, hated them, and was unable to take even a step toward forgiving them, or even trying to see things from their point of view. But he was more like them than he wanted to admit.
“Ready for you, kid,” Robert told him, sticking his head into the locker room.
There was no point in reminding the old man he hadn't been a kid in a long time now, so Mateo merely nodded and headed through into the ring. The shouts and leers of the crowd barely registered, nor did the face of his opponent.
Tonight, he didn't care who he was fighting, didn't care about anything except an outlet for the fury raging inside him.
Maybe he needed to experience a little pain himself. A small measure to pay back the horrors he’d heaped on his poor little mouse. She still had hours to go, suffering through intense arousal she couldn’t satisfy, it only seemed right that he spend some of those hours fighting.
That first strike, slamming his fist into his opponent’s face, offered him the relief he needed, the relief his girl wasn't getting. Over and over again he struck, receiving a few blows himself, but delivering far more.
It wasn't enough, though.
Each strike couldn’t erase the fear he’d felt that night two decades ago, couldn’t erase the suffering Ally was enduring right this second.
But it was better than nothing, and he embraced it, letting his conscious mind fade away until all that existed was this. The dancing movements of boxing, hitting until the pressure inside him no longer felt like it was going to consume him, and he wouldn't explode and ruin everything he’d been working toward.
Chapter
Seven
August 17th
9:20 A.M.
Was it over?
Was it finally over?
The clawing sense of need that had consumed her for hours, almost an entire day, started to abate, and so far, no one had come into her cell.