If she could take that burden from him, she’d do it in a heartbeat, and she wondered how he’d managed to hide from her the heavy burden he carried on his shoulders. If he’d told her, she would have done everything in her power to support him, make sure he knew he wasn't alone, and even if she wasn't with him physically, she would always be with him emotionally.
“Little mouse.” The two words sounded like they were torn painfully from deep down inside his soul, and she froze.
Something was wrong. That icy cold fear she had been living with ever since she woke up in this place, that only just started thawing when Mateo admitted the truth to her, was suddenly back again. Why wasn't he just telling her the plan? Or telling her that she couldn’t know the details, but to trust him because he had everything under control?
“If you can't tell me, that’s okay. I trust you,” she assured him.
The fingers on her hips tightened to the point where she knew they were going to leave bruises, and his eyes fell closed ashis head tipped forward until his forehead rested against hers. Whatever he had to tell her was obviously hard for him, and he needed her to be strong for him. She could do that. She could be strong for him a little longer, especially since he was putting everything on the line for her.
“Really, Mateo, you don’t need to tell me,” she offered more reassurance. “Just knowing that you're here and you're still you is enough. I’ll take everything they do to me, and I won't do anything to endanger you or your case.”
“Baby, you're killing me,” he murmured, and when he pulled back and opened his eyes, it was guilt that she could see shining brightly in them.
Wanting to eradicate it, she smoothed her fingers over his cheekbones again. “I know you didn't mean for me to wind up here. I believe you about that. You would never knowingly put me in danger, of course, you wouldn't, because you said you love me.” This wasn't the location she would have chosen to hear those words, but knowing that what she’d felt was right, that she hadn't misread her entire relationship with Mateo, meant more to her than he’d ever understand.
“I can't get you out,” he blurted out.
The words seemed to bounce off her at first, unable to penetrate the haze of shock that descended over her like a thick gray cloud. But then they began to seep in. Slowly. Painfully.
“W-what?” Ally stammered, positive she must have heard him wrong. How could henotbe working on getting her out of here?
Gripping her hips so hard she winced, he didn't loosen even though he had to see the pain on her face. “I'm sorry, little mouse.”
“W-why?” A man who loved her wouldn't leave her in hell like this, he’d do everything he could to get her out, get her safe.
“I'm here undercover, to do a job. The guy who runs things, his name is Griffin, but he’s not the leader, not the head of the ring. Unless we can figure out who the head of the ring is, get proof that will bring him to justice, I can't leave.”
“But you could still get me out,” she reminded him, shaking as the icy knot of fear spread throughout her body, chilling her to the core.
“There are things about my past I never told you,” he said as his dark eyes begged imploringly as he held her in place on his lap when she would have otherwise climbed off and hurried to the far side of the room. “When I was fourteen, I went on a family hiking trip. My parents, brothers, dad’s sisters and their husbands, and seven cousins. We got caught in a storm. I slipped and fell, probably should have died, but I didn't. The storm got worse, and my family thought they’d die too if they stayed with me, so they left. All of them. Walked away and left me barely conscious on the side of a mountain, begging them to stay, to take me with them.”
“Th-that’s horrible,” she whispered. It was. Whatever else was going on between them, she had empathy for the boy who had been abandoned by everyone he loved and left to die a horrible death all alone.
“Yeah, baby. It changed me. I was so angry after. Shut them all out. They were shocked I didn't die, but said they were happy, acted like what they did shouldn’t change anything, and didn't seem to understand why I was angry. I met a former SEAL, he taught me to fight, and for a while that worked. It helped me get the anger out, but then I learned to just shut it down. Shut everything down. I didn't want to feel anything. Not ever again. But then you came along, and I couldn’t not fall for you if I tried. I love you, little mouse.”
“But not enough to get me out?”
“I’ll get you out, baby, but …”
“But?” He was giving her whiplash. First, he apologized, and she assumed that was because he wasn't going to save her, but now he was telling her he’d get her out, but the but made it sound like maybe he wasn't really going to.
“I can't yet. I can't risk doing anything that will blow my cover. Once you're sold, I’ll make sure that Prey has the name and address of the person who buys you, so they can come and get you out. It’s what I always do, I always make sure I get names and addresses to Prey so they can rescue the women,” he said earnestly as though that was supposed to reassure her.
“Y-you're going to let me get s-sold?” How could he say he loved her but then let her be bought by some monster? What if Prey didn't get to her before whoever bought her started hurting her? She’d already been through so much, and if this was Mateo trying to shield her, then she could imagine how much worse it would be.
“I’m sorry, little mouse, I'm so sorry.”
“Could you … get me out if you wanted to?”
Mateo hesitated for a moment. “Maybe.”
“So you're choosing to let me stay here.”
“There are risks in trying to get you out now.”
“There are risks in waiting until after I'm sold.”
“This is killing me, little mouse. I want you safe more than I want my next breath, but I took on a responsibility for everyone here when I took this job. If we don’t find the head of Azure, then they’re going to keep abducting women, keep selling them, it would be selfish to throw my responsibilities away.”