‘In a minute,’ I say, turning away and hunching over my phone. My heart hammers as I try calling Seth, but it goes straight to voicemail. I end the call and try again. Same thing – straight to voicemail.
‘Seth, can you call me? I didn’t mean anything bad. Fran thought it would be cute if I sent you photos of the night seeing as you couldn’t make it, that’s all. I’m sorry you misunderstood. I’ve missed you tonight. Please ring me back.’ My voice catches on the last word. I end the call feeling devastated. I just want to talk to him so we can sort this out, but I get the feeling he won’t be returning my call tonight.
Chapter Ten
NOW
‘You’re joking, right?’ I reply, knowing full well that my dad is not in a joking mood. I can’t believe he’s arranged this meeting without consulting me. It’s not his place to do it.
‘You wouldn’t call Seth, so we had to intervene,’ Dad replies. ‘Far better to talk things through than pretend nothing’s wrong.’
That’s easy for my father to say. He isn’t the one who has to do this. He isn’t the one who feels as if his body is going into shock and he might be losing his mind. I really don’t think I have it in me to face ‘Seth’ right now. What if he’s dangerous?
‘It’s for the best, darling,’ Mum says with worry in her eyes, like she doesn’t actually believe it’s for the best, but just wants to go along with Dad for a quiet life.
Why couldn’t I have more understanding, gentle parents? Why are they so keen to keep pushing me into things they think I should be doing or feeling or thinking? I wish that for once they would just let me be. But explaining all that to them right now would take more energy than I have. My terror at seeing ‘Seth’ again is beginning to be replaced with a quiet fury.
‘Fine,’ I reply, through gritted teeth. Even though I feel sick at the thought, maybe this will be an opportunity to get the answers I’m looking for.
Dad gives a satisfied nod, ignoring my tone. ‘We’ll go downstairs and send him up. Now, Alice, when he gets here, be nice. Tell him about the scan and explain that everything happened because of a medical issue. Nothing to do with you changing your mind. I think that’s the best way to make him understand.’
I nod. I have no intention of begging the man to forgive me or take me back. I’m more concerned with discovering what’s going on. With finding out where the real Seth is or if there’s something else at play here.
‘Good luck. It’ll be fine,’ Mum says, kissing my cheek before they head across the hall to the front door.
Once they’ve gone, I let go of my fury for a second and savour the emptiness of the flat, clinging on to my remaining moment of peace, wishing it didn’t have to be interrupted again. My brain is buzzing and my fingers and toes are tingling at the thought of my imminent visitor. I briefly consider not letting him in, but that would only delay our inevitable meeting and anger my father. I sigh, realising that I may as well get it over with.
A tap at the front door makes me jump. I appreciate that he didn’t press the bell at least; its harsh ring would have been even worse for my nerves.
I glance in the hall mirror at the unruly black curls springing around my face, at my make-up-free skin. Mum was right – a bit of lip gloss and mascara might have prepared me better. I debate whether or not to change out of my sweats and do something to make myself more presentable, but I wouldn’t know where to start so I don’t bother. I breathe into my hand. At least my breath is fresh.
I stand before the front door trying to get my emotions under control, wondering who I’m going to see on the otherside of the door – my Seth, or the stranger? Please God let it be my fiancé.
I turn the handle and pull open the door.
‘Alice ...’
My heart sinks and I honestly feel like crying.
This man is the same stranger from the church. Tall, dark-haired, dark eyes, broad-shouldered. He’s handsome by anyone’s standards, in jeans and a short-sleeved grey shirt. But I’m not attracted to him. In fact, I feel uneasy and odd around this man. Not afraid, exactly. More like I just want him to leave.
‘Hello,’ I say, biting my lower lip and looking down at the carpet. The urge to close the door in his face is strong, but instead I say, ‘Come in.’
He follows me back along the hall to the living room where I gesture to the sofa. He picks the same spot where my father was sitting moments ago. I choose to sit on the dining chair furthest away from him, trying to keep my panic at bay.
I don’t know what to say, and, by the looks of it, neither does he. I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable at this whole situation and I could kill my father for putting me in this position before I feel emotionally ready to deal with it.
‘Well, this isn’t awkward,’ he says, raising an eyebrow. He’s well-spoken, his voice deep and soft, but it doesn’t trigger any kind of recognition in me. I think he wants me to respond, but I don’t know what to say. He sighs. ‘What happened at the church, Alice? Everyone’s been saying you didn’t recognise me. I don’t even understand what that means.’
I clear my throat, but it feels tight and scratchy. I massage it with my fingers.
‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’ he asks. ‘Have you changed your mind about getting married? You know you can talk to me, right? I’m really worried about you. Aboutus.’
I force myself to look at him, trying to work out if it’s really Seth, and if it is, why I don’t recognise him. His voice, his mannerisms, everything feels alien. If what the doctor says is right and I might have some sort of face blindness, then I guess I owe him an explanation. But despite the possibility that it’s true, I don’t really believe it. It’s not just his face I don’t recognise; it’s his whole persona. There’s just something that’s off about him.
‘I cancelled the honeymoon,’ he says.
‘Sorry,’ I croak.