‘But we don’t see each other socially.’
‘What do you call this?’ She throws her arms wide to encompass our evening.
I refrain from telling her she invited herself.
‘So, yeah,’ she says. ‘I just wanted you to know, you hurt my feelings.’
‘Well, I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘That wasn’t my intention. But I’m glad you’re here now.’
‘Really?’ she asks. ‘You’re glad I’m here?’
‘Of course,’ I reply. ‘Wouldn’t have said so otherwise.’ She doesn’t look convinced so I stand up and hold out my arms. ‘Let’s hug it out.’
She comes around the table and we have an awkward hug. In a weird way, despite how annoying she can be, I am glad Charlotte came. Maybe this will clear the air between us and the office environment will feel less hostile. Now I know that her comments are just ‘banter’, I can stop being so on edge.
I realise I’m actually grateful to Elizabeth for inviting her. Charlotte might not be my favourite person in the world, but maybe now at least we can have a better working relationship. As long as she doesn’t push the point about wanting to be a bridesmaid. I’m glad we’ve called a truce, but I don’t think I could cope with her being up there front and centre on the most important day of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
NOW
My pulse races as I walk hesitantly to the front door. I haven’t seen Miriam since my wedding day and, while I’m pretty confident she’ll be supportive of me, you never can tell for sure.
She’s been messaging me ever since it happened, regularly checking in on how I am, even though I never replied. But then she wrote a couple of days ago asking if we could meet up. I know I can’t ignore my friends forever, but I’ve been dreading the inevitable pitying looks and awkward questions from everyone. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had answers to give them. But I don’t.
Since my official break-up with Seth two days ago, I’ve been dragging myself around the flat like someone who’s broken-hearted. But that can’t be right because I don’t love Seth Evans. Not this version of him anyway. Maybe it’s not my heart that’s broken. Maybe it’s my whole self.
I finally messaged Miriam back and said she was welcome to pop round today after work, and now here she is.
I open my front door, preparing to put on a happy, don’t-worry-everything’s-okay act. But as soon as I see Miriam, I know I don’t have to put on any kind of show. My lovely friend flings her arms around me and gives me the biggest hug.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I tell myself. Too late.
‘I’ve been so worried about you!’ she says, stepping back and giving me a glare that melts into a tear-filled frown when she sees my face.
‘I’m sorry,’ I gulp. ‘I just didn’t feel up to talking to anyone. I was so embarrassed and sad and—’
She holds up a hand. ‘Stop. You don’t have to explain.’
‘Anyway,’ I say, attempting to sound normal, ‘come in.’
She hands me a gift bag that contains a bottle of gin, tonic water, a fresh lemon and a packet of posh crisps.
‘You didn’t need to do that,’ I say.
‘Yes I did,’ she replies. ‘It’s for me as much as for you. I hope you’ve got ice.’
‘Thanks. I think so, yes.’ We head to the kitchen where I prepare our drinks on autopilot. ‘Daisy’s at Martin’s place, so it’s just us here.’
‘Is she staying there at the moment?’
‘On and off,’ I reply, tipping the last four ice cubes into our drinks before refilling the tray. ‘Martin’s supposed to be moving in here soon, but I’m not sure when. I think I wrecked their plans.’ I dump the crisps into a bowl and we head into the lounge where we both sit on the sofa.
‘Look,’ Miriam says, ‘I just want you to know, you don’t have to tell me anything about what happened with Seth. I wanted to see you because you’re my friend and I’m here for you.’
‘You’re going to make me cry again,’ I say with an emotional half-cough, half-laugh.
‘Well I don’t want that,’ she says with a frown, sipping her G & T. ‘Mm, that’s good.’