‘Hey, Porter, just calling to see how you are. We haven’t caught up since last week. Wondered what you’re doing this evening. Fran’s organised a fundraiser at the pub tonight for the animal shelter and wondered if you wanted to come along. She’s setting things up early, but I could swing by and call for you at sevenish if you’re up for it. Let me know.’
I curl my lip and feel my shoulders slump. There’s no way I’ll feel up to going out and being sociable tonight. Then again, do I really want to stay home and wallow? I can already feel myself sinking. I don’t want to be this miserable person, but I don’t know how to shake myself out of it. I’m dreading a whole day at home alone.
I return Laurence’s call and he answers straight away. ‘Did you get my message?’
‘Yeah, but I was wondering if you’re free to meet up now?’
‘What,rightnow?’
‘Yes, if you’re not busy.’
‘Okay, sure, shall I come to yours?’
‘That would be great.’ I exhale and feel marginally better knowing I won’t be alone all day with my thoughts.
‘I’ll bring coffees,’ he adds.
‘And a Danish?’ I ask cheekily.
‘Definitely a Danish.’
I walk the rest of the way with a slightly lighter step, trying to absorb the shock of this morning. But I’m just so frustrated and angry with the unfairness of it all. If Charlotte were a better accountant than me, or even an equal, it wouldn’t sting so much. But the fact is, she’s all show and no real substance. Oh well, I suppose Paul will just have to find out the hard way.
As I approach my road, a figure catches my eye. A man walking away with a distinctive swagger. His broad shoulders and dark hair reminding me of someone ...
Damian.
I freeze for a moment, blinking and staring at the receding figure. Could it really be him? I think back to a couple of weeks ago when I thought I saw him outside Hibiscus. I dismissed it then, but what if it really is him? What if he glances back and sees me?
I press myself into the open porch of a doorway, my heart pounding, my breaths tight. After a moment, I peer out to see him disappear around a corner. Was it him? Or just someone with the same physique and hair colour? Laurence said Damian’s living in Wales now. But what if he’s visiting or, even worse, what if he’s moved back to Ringwood? Even if he has, it’s been years; I’m sure he’s moved on from me.
Sweat trickles down my back. How can this man be having such an effect on me after all this time? It’s not right. Why am Ieven hiding? It’s broad daylight. If Damian is hanging around my home, I need to know. I’ve already had a shitty day; I’m not going to let my ex make it worse. With a spurt of angry courage, I leave my hiding place and hurry after him, my emotions whirling.
Heading past my apartment entrance, I pause before turning left down the road where he went. Do I really want to do this? Yes. Yes, I do. Even if it’s only to find out whether or not it’s really him.
I turn the corner and glance down the quiet residential street to see nothing but parked cars, trees, and rows of semi-detached houses. The only people in sight are a woman in a suit, and a female jogger with a springer spaniel. No men at all. I cross over and run my gaze along the pavement. Maybe he got into one of the cars or went into one of the houses. What if he’s watching me right now? My heart judders. No, I can’t do this.
My moment of courage has evaporated. I turn away and quickly head back towards home, casting anxious glances over my shoulder, palms sweating, heart racing, hoping to God it wasn’t him.
Chapter Thirty
NOW
Letting myself into the flat, I close the door behind me and pause for a moment to get my breath back. Now that I’m safely home, I realise I probably overreacted back there. I doubt that was Damian and even if it were, he could simply be back visiting friends – nothing to do with me at all. I have enough to worry about in my life without adding hallucinations of my ex-boyfriend to the mix. I’m going to put the whole incident down to stress. The Seth situation hasn’t helped my mental state, and my emotions were already on the surface after such a rough morning at work. Ugh, work.
I can’t believe it was only an hour or so ago that I left here to go to the office with so much determination and purpose. If only I’d replied to Miriam’s texts last week, she might have warned me about Charlotte earlier and I could have returned to work before Paul made his decision to make her partner. I could have swayed him.
Too late now.
I quickly change out of my work clothes and throw on some chambray shorts and a white crochet top that Daisy bought me for my birthday. It’s cute. She’s got good taste. But I don’t even know why I care what I look like. It’s not as though I have anyone toimpress. As I dress, I realise my hands are still shaking. I clasp them together decisively to put a stop to it.
The doorbell goes and I feel nothing but pure relief as I press the buzzer and open the flat door.
Laurence appears up the stairs, bearing a cardboard tray of coffees and an enticing brown paper bag. He takes one look at my sad expression and ushers me into the lounge.
‘Okay, what’s happened?’ He passes me my coffee and a delicious-looking apricot Danish that would normally elicit a grin, but I can’t even muster a half-smile. I put them both on the side table for now and thank him for coming over.
‘You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here for you and Daisy. No question.’