Her heart sank at the realisation that this meant she’d have no one in the city to go back to, should she decide to move again– unless she counted Hugh, which she very much didnot.
‘Yes,’ said Kit, sounding vaguely annoyed. ‘Julius works there, he owns a flat there and it’s lovely! London’s been pretty dull the past few months, to be honest, and I feel like I’ve done my time here. I can combine working remotely for H-K with coming into the office a few times a week– it’s all squared away.’
‘I thought you said Julius was an economist,’ Amy said. ‘Doesn’t that mean he’s based at some big, swanky bank in the City?’
‘Heisan economist,’ Kit explained. ‘But he’s a professor at the university.’
‘Right,’ Amy said, realising she needed to sound much cheerier about all this if she wasn’t going to upset him. ‘A prof. Impressive. Well, I hope you’ll be willing to welcome a regular house guest once you’re settled in. I love the sea, but Rowton’s about the most landlocked place in the whole country– slap bang in the middle.’
‘Of course!’ Kit said. ‘I can’t wait for you to come and see us, and meet Julius. You’ll love him and he’ll love you– of that I’ve no doubt.’
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘When’s the big move happening?’
‘Well, we’ve already started ferrying stuff down there. I’m expecting to be all moved in by RomFest– which I cannot wait for, by the way.’
‘Amazing,’ Amy said, glad she was managing to sound pleased for him. ‘I’m really looking forward to seeing you, too.’
For a second, she considered telling Kit what had happened between her and Sam: all of it, the whole story, not just what had occurred in the previous few hours. It now struck her as significant that she’d been so determined not to before. In hiding how she’d once felt about Sam from her friend, she’d also been trying to hide it from herself.
However, she didn’t– as Kit so delicately put it– want to piss on his chips. He was happy, in a celebratory mood, and she had no desire to bring him down.
‘Listen, I’ve got to go,’ Kit said. ‘We’re going to a roof terrace spot for dinner and I’m desperate for a shower … Is it hot up there, too? At least having a proper summer for once makes the Tube torture worth it.’
‘Yeah, really warm,’ Amy said. ‘It’s nice, though. Wait until you see the village in full bloom.’
‘Oooh,’ Kit said. ‘Can’t wait. I’ll be in touch before but SEE YOU SOON! I’ll be up the night before RomFest, but you know that already.’
‘Great,’ Amy said. ‘And Kit? Just in case I forgot to say it before, I’m really happy for you. Really.’
‘You did forget, but I know you are,’ he said, and she could hear his grin all the way from the capital. ‘Love you. Ciao for now!’
Chapter 26
‘Amy, I know you’re not crazy about doing this dance, but could you at least try to look a bit less miserable?’ Nisha said on the morning of their planned trip to a period costume shop in Burton-on-Trent. ‘I’m very excited about dressing you up in an early nineteenth-century gown and you’re going toruinit for me!’
Meg snorted from the back seat of Nisha’s Ford Fiesta. ‘I think what Nishmeantto say there is are you okay, Amy. Because … well. Are you?’
‘No,’ Amy said baldly. She’d lost the will to pretend that she was fine; holding her feelings in tended to have what could only be described as mixed results, and it took effort to appear contented when she actually felt like crap. ‘I’m about as not okay as I’ve ever been, actually.’
The combined effect of Kit’s revelation and her showdown with Sam after their dance lesson had seen Amy sink into the bleakest mood she’d suffered since coming back to Rowton.She continually harked back to what Ken had said on that tearful morning in the hospital corridor:falling in love is a game of chance, but being willing to play it is key. Had Amy ever been willing?
Even at sixteen, when Sam Ainsworth had first appeared at college in a golden haze of charm and adulation, she’d shut down every inclination to desire him the way that others did. That blanket ban on feeling bewitched by him had lasted an impressive eighteen months in the face of daily temptation.
Later, every proper boyfriend she’d ever had had been carefully selected for their good looks, good conversation and good prospects– never because they did squiffy things to her stomach or made her blood feel like lava. She’d even chosen more casual partners forensically, picking people she knew she would never get emotionally attached to for brief flings that could be easily forgotten.
She’d been so closed off– so scared to make herself vulnerable– that when she and Sam crossed paths again, she’d embraced every reason she could come up with not to let herself feel the effect of being near him. She’d tried to ignore what he did to her, erecting as many walls as possible around her heart– no matter how flimsy the foundations they were built on.
‘Are you worried about doing the big dance with Uncle Sam?’ Pearl asked from next to Meg, bringing Amy back to the present. ‘I’m sure he’ll catch you if you fall over, he’s quite strong.’
Pained, Amy closed her eyes and nodded. The seven-year-old hadn’t meant this as a metaphor, but it had nevertheless sounded like a rather appealing one.
Today’s road trip from Rowton to the costume emporium hadn’t been Amy’s idea– but the moment Nisha had heard there was a need for proper Regency attire, it was decided that its acquisition would become an event. Meg and Pearl were just as enthusiastic at the prospect of poring over reproduction fans, jewellery and dresses when Nisha had described the shop they were travelling to and showed them the website. After railroading Amy into a group afternoon out, during which she’d doubtless be prodded and pulled around like the ‘spooky doll girl’ she’d once been called, Nisha had offered to drive, and treat them all to pizza when they got home.
‘Don’t worry about everyone watching you,’ Pearl went on sagely. ‘You’ll look lovely. Me and Uncle Sam think you’re the prettiest person we know– he told mehethinks you look like Snow White, too.’
‘Shhh,’ Meg laughed, and poked her daughter. ‘You mustn’t go around telling other people’s secrets, Pearl. If someone shares a confidence with you, you should keep it.’
In the rear-view mirror, Amy saw Pearl scrunch up her nose. ‘Even if it’s about someonelikingsomeone else? That seems silly. Isn’t it always good to hear someone likes you? Why not just tell the truth?’