“If it annoyed me, I’d say it. I’m not the person to lie or save face, even to you. If something bothers me, I will talk to you about it—and I’d like it if you did the same with me. If I become overbearing, even a little too obsessed, I’d like you to tell me instead of bottling it.”
I smile. “Okay.”
I get used to the noise in the kitchen while folding my new clothes. Every piece I hold, I frown. It’s not what I’m used to wearing. Mrs Jones certainly picks her style with colourful shirts, denim shorts, and jeans. I wonder if I can go home and salvage my lucky Imagine Dragons shirt, at least.
But the thought of going back there makes me queasy. I’m also grateful to Conner’s family for how caring they are. They have already done too much. I need to repay them somehow—a gift to show my appreciation. But a gift needs money, and I don’t have any because Dad made me quit my job. Therefore, I’m stuck.
The buzzer on the door goes off, causing me to jolt. The beat of my heart pounds loudly within my chest to the point of combustion. I sit on the bed, my hand clutching at my chest, and heaving bursts of fear tremble out of my mouth.
It’s Dad. He found me. He foundus.The place we are calling home—the haven. The safety net I created, far away from the outside world. He knows. He’s here, and he is going to ruin everything.
And…
And…
Choking gasps come out until those hands touch my face. Hazel eyes come into existence, and he’s talking. Talking… but I can’t hear it. I can’t listen to what he’s saying because my mind is louder than his, and I can’t escape the impenetrable fear of Dad finding me.
Deep breaths, Noya. Deep breaths.
I suck in a breath, which causes Conner to nod. The echo chamber in my head eases, and the sound of the faucet running comes back to me. Another breath, and I hear the buzzer, causing me to flinch.
I bow my head, my eyes widen, and whisper, “He’s here. Here’s here. He’s here.”
The wall comes up again. A massive wall made of iron. It always comes up when I am scared. The noises in my head are so intense that everything around me is soundless compared to the fear. It happened before when the beer dad drinks were out of stock. I was so scared of what he’d do that I shut out my walk home. And I’m here now, afraid of the buzzer because I don’t know who is on the other side. Who is repeatedly ringing the bell?
Conner raises his hands and places them over my ears. And then, all the sound vanishes from the world. The noise in my head and the noise outside go away. All that is left is Conner’s voice penetrating the iron wall. “Deep breaths, Noya. Deep breaths,” he breathes.
I nod. My back arches, and I let the air breathe into my lungs. It’s fresh, with a hint of smoke. I close my eyes, inhale it, and when I breathe out, everything returns to normal.
“I’m a mess,” I croak. “How can you love someone as messy as me?”
“Baby, you aren’t a mess,” Conner says, rubbing his thumb over a stray tear. “Your life has been harder than others, but that doesn’t mean you’re a mess.” He leans in and says, “We will get through this together.”
“Why?” I ask, my lower lip trembling.
His hands move away from my ears, and those fingertips run through my hair, saying, “Because we’re a team. And I’m madly fucking in love with you.”
I breathe a laugh, the anxiety and relief releasing like a tide pool. “I love you, Conner.”
He smiles. “Should we let Sammy and Dylan into our building?”
“It’s them?”
“Yeah. Remember, you invited them over yesterday.”
“Oh…” Conner goes to stand when I tighten my hold on his arms. “My birthday,” I blurt.
“Hmm?”
“I trust you more than anyone in my life, so…” I bite my lip. “I want to give you my all on my birthday.”
“Noya,” Conner says in a strained voice. “You’re really impulsive, aren’t you?”
I laugh, “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”
He groans, and I notice his frustration when he stands. I blush when he fixes himself. “And now we have to entertain guests. You have wonderful timing, Noya.”
“Sorry.”