He says that now, but little does he know that I have a closet full of skeletons and suitcases stuffed with baggage I can’t control. And the longer I’m around Conner, the more he will see how broken I am.
There are too many pieces on the floor, and the parts I try to glue together smash into the ground every single day. The pieces are so small they can be mistaken for dust, and Conner can’t fix dust. The best thing to do is grab the dustpan, sweep me up and throw me in the bin.
“Ireallylike you, Noya,” Conner says in a low voice. “So, don’t you ever think you can’t rely on me.”
“Conner…” I turn away from him, and my hands clutch my shirt as I struggle to stop the heat from flushing across my cheeks, forehead, and neck. “I like you too.”
“I know.” He breathes a laugh. “I’ve never had someone blush so much while they’re with me. Either I’m embarrassing you, or I’m charming.”
“You’re embarrassing,” I admit with a smile. “But that’s part of your charm.”
“Well, I’m glad.” His hands tighten on the wheel. “It’s not every day someone says they like you for you.”
I lean into the headrest as I face Conner. “It’s not every day someone saves you from the police and then talks to you out of nowhere since that night.”
“Who’s that?” he says with a grin. “Well, whoever it is, you should be careful. They sound like a stalker.”
“Maybe you’re right. I should report them to the police,” I giggle.
“Ah, but you won’t,” he says as he leans towards me. “You’re afraid of them, which is one of the many questions about you Ihaven’t figured out yet. That and the beer.” He furrows his brow. “You are a mystery, Noya.”
“I’d like it if you stopped trying to figure me out,” I murmur.
“Okay, we can make a deal,” Conner starts. “Promise that you will tell me one day, and if you can promise me that, with no bullshit, I can tell when you're lying, I will stop.”
I look away and lean toward the car door.
“That bad?”
I don’t respond.
Conner sighs as he drags his hand through his hair. Then, that hand lowers and touches my thigh. I flinch slightly before I lean in his direction. Feeling bold, I rest my head against his arm, and the hand on my thigh rises, settling across my shoulders. “Sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be. I’m sorry for persisting. It’s just…” His thumb strokes my shoulder. “I’m afraid you will disappear one day, and I will never see you again. It scares me, Noya.”
I close my eyes and say, “I’m not going anywhere. But if I do, I’ll call you before I leave.”
When I open my eyes, he’s smiling the faintest.
I promise that my last breath will go to you.
24
ONE CONDITION
I leave the car early.Conner understands, knowing what I mean about strict parents. They aren’t demanding with times and schedules. It’s more controlling, but a thousand more questions will blurt out of his mouth if I say that to him.
I close the car door and wave as he drives off. Once he is out of sight, I turn around to see the blinds pulled back at Mrs Crawford’s place. Again, the awkwardness of noticing Mrs Crawford watching the ordeal makes my smile tighten. She must have a clue why Conner parks here instead of at my home.
Nevertheless, I’m grateful she never comes out and asks why I walk up to her door and pretend I’m living here only to walk down the steps, as I’m doing now, and make my way to the cracked shell of a home.
Whenever Dad isn’t home, the house should feel inviting, but as soon as I open the door, it’s cold and lifeless. There’s no sense of warmth. It’s like walking into a freezer and closing myself inside. There are no fond memories—not a picture on the wall or a place where I can look and reminisce with a smile.
Conner will be home soon. I imagine him inhaling the smell of his mum’s meatloaf and remembering all the times he haseaten a homemade meal. He will then play Mario Kart with his siblings in the living room—a game he has told me about. There will be memories there. He has fond memories of his siblings. There will also be pictures on the walls, medals, and awards displaying his achievements.
They would be proud…
I remember winning an award in year four. Held it with pride, but it wasn’t a joyful moment. It was yet another reason for a fight I had to witness while we were driving back home.