I open the car and inhale the scent of mowed grass. He throws a few shirts and a bottle of water into the back seat, where his sports bag, worn-out socks, three pairs of sneakers, and a takeaway bag are already resting.
The passenger seat has a cigarette burn from a past incident. Andy often talks with his hands, and when he holds his cigarette and flicks the ash, part of it burns, and a hole forms in the passenger seat.
“Sorry about the mess,” he laughs awkwardly.
I smile tightly as I ease myself into the seat and snap the belt buckle across my chest. Andy’s car rumbles to life, causing it to vibrate until he drives off. Slowly, as the car keeps driving, the rumbling stops.
I don’t ask where we are going, and by the first stop outside of this shady-looking home with a broken fence, dogs barking behind the second gate, a lawn barely touched, I remember this drop-off. Andy even confirms it by reaching into his glove box, taking out a tin, grabbing a foil packet, and going to the house.
I look ahead as the door opens, and Andy hands a woman a foil packet. And when he returns and slides into the car, he says, “All right, three stops left, then we can park near your work and talk.”
“Sure,” I murmur.
As Andy parks outside the third house and on the wealthier side of the city, I flip my phone over and smile at the message from Conner.
Conner: I miss driving with you
Me: I will see you after work!
I bite my lip as my thumb hovers over the touch keypad, but Andy opens the door before I can send another message. I flip the phone over, slot it between my thighs, and give Andy a tight-lipped smile.
He drives me to the supermarket parking lot. We didn’t talk the entire way, and whenever I opened my mouth to fill the silence, I noticed the nervous look on his face and decided to let it go.
Andy appears to be deep in thought, and I don’t want to pry. However, being in the car with Andy makes me yearn tosee Conner. His energy differs from Andy’s, and it’s hard not to notice.
As we park, he takes a deep breath while I scan the parking lot. People walk past in groups. It’s a Thursday night, and the shops are open for an extra two hours on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. These three days are when workers shop after work, and students hang out before the shops close.
Perhaps I can leave Andy’s car earlier and let him know that I need to prepare for the influx of people entering the supermarket. I’m sure he will understand.
I open my mouth, ready to speak, but Andy blurts, “I love you, Noya.”
27
DISTANT
Shattered [Trading Yesterday]
Graphic Scene
The wordsI hold fall flat. Nothing but breathy air trembles out through my parted lips.
Andy twists his body and faces me, flushed cheeks reddening with every passing moment. I blink a few times, unsure how to process this news or what to do with it. What he says…it’s a tremendous deal and one I wasn’t expecting, even after Conner told me.
“Um…” I bite my lower lip and wonder what to do, what to say—anything, really.
Andy leans over and touches a stray piece of hair that slipped away from my bun. He tucks it behind my ear. With wide eyes, I watch. Wait. I’m not sure of what to do, but I fight the urge to cringe at his touch.
“I know I should have told you sooner, but I…was scared.” He lowers his hand and rests it near the cigarette burn. I shuffle, moving my knees towards the door, and my hands tighten on my phone as if it’s some life support keeping me afloat.
Then, his hand tightens on the cushion, his deep blue eyes settling on me. “I need to know how you feel about me.”
“I…” The words don’t come out, and as much as I want to follow Conner’s advice, Andy’s look prevents me from giving him false hope. “It’s…” I can see my face reflected in the glassy surface of his blue eyes. He leans away when I say, “Sorry.”
“It’s because ofhim,isn’t it?” Andy spits, and I flinch further away from him. “Hecame out of nowhere and fucked everything up, didn’t he?”
I shake my head back and forth as I say, “No, I…” His blue eyes pierce me, and I glance away. “I liked you ages ago, but I stopped way before Conner…”
“Why?” he asks in a strained voice.