“I bet it will be romantic. The first kiss is always like that. When Dylan and I first kissed, I felt sick—but a good kind of sick. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my heart wouldn’t calm down. It’s thrilling.”
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” I whisper. “I haven’t done anything with anyone before.”
“That’s normal. Dylan was my first,” she admits. “But let me tell you, after the kiss, you can’t keep your hands off each other. Any chance my parents are away, or his mum is away, we jump at it.” She giggles. “We are rabbits.”
“Really?” My hands tighten against the thin sheet.
Will it be like that for us? After we kiss, will Conner want something more from me? Will a rush of lust take hold and…?
I close my eyes and breathe in and out deeply.
“I think you and Conner will be different,” Samantha says, her voice softer. “The way he treats you…he’s careful. Did he tell you he spoke to me on Friday when you headed to Creative Arts?”
“No,” I answer, and there’s a swirl of emotions filling my stomach.
“He wanted to know if I knew what Andy did to you. I didn’t tell him anything but to give you space for the day and that you would tell him in your own time, but…” She sits up on the bed and crosses her legs. “He told me that if you never wanted to talk to him again, to make sure I kept an eye on you. He made me promise that. I told him that, of course, I fucking will. You’re my best friend. It’s just how he will give you all the space in the world if you need it. Fuck, Noya, I think he is in love with you.”
“It’s intense,” I say, smiling.
“If he asked you out, what would you say?”
“Yes.”
Samantha squeals, and she jumps up, only to hit her head on the bars above. I giggle as Samantha rolls over and falls onto the mattress beside our bed. After that, our conversations became more lighthearted.
Tonight was fun, but I cannot deny that I miss talking to Conner.
32
WORRIES
Waiting for Superman [Daughtry]
While we waitfor the doors of the bus to open so we can leave our little camping adventure, I notice Sarah Jane waiting by her bus. She’s with the girl who offered me her shower cubicle. They hover over Sarah Jane’s phone, a mix of humour and disgust on their faces.
Sarah Jane looks up and smiles when her eyes connect with mine. Embarrassed that she caught me staring, I turn away and take a step forward when the bus finally opens.
As we move to our seats, Zarya says, “I hardly slept because Reen kept snoring.”
“I had a blocked nose. What did you want me to do about it?” Renee snaps back, but they both have smiles on their faces as they shuffle into their seats.
Samantha and I take the seats behind them, and she leans against me, with her head resting on my shoulder. I let her sleep on me as I stare at my phone and wait for the reception to turn back on, as we move further away from the camping trip and back towards the school.
I overlook the highway and imagine myself doing cool flips and tricks on a skateboard. Another coping mechanism I used whenever I was in the car with Mum and Dad when they argued. I would look out the window, and there I was, calm and confident as I rode a skateboard.
My phone vibrates in my hand. However, my excitement is short-lived when I notice it’s a message from Andy.
Andy: Hey. Can we talk at the park behind your home tomorrow afternoon?
I exit messages and grip my phone tightly. Fear wraps around me as the memory of Andy pulling me towards him comes back into focus. The hunger, greed, and desperation stir sickly in my stomach. And now I’m petrified by the thought of being alone at the park we used to play in before he moved away from me.
Conner can come with me.
No.
No, I’m not going. Andy would do something reckless to Conner if he saw him with me at the park, when I suspect he would want me alone instead.
I ignore the message. I don’t want to talk to Andy. It’s painful enough thinking that we were so close—best friends—before that night. The fact that I begged him to stop, and he ignored my hand pushing up against him, is bad enough.