Dez grew incredibly still and his lips parted for a breath. “Em—”
“Don’t,” she stopped him, not wanting pity, or to turn this into something it wasn’t. What it didn’t need to be. “It’s fine. It happened when I was attacked. Where I was cut, and what was damaged never healed.” The words hung there, suspended, and impossibly heavy. Emmery didn’t want to look at them a moment longer so she took his face in her hands and said, “I haven’t been with anyone in a really long time. And after the last, I was checked by a healer. They didn’t find anything else.”
His brow lifted. “How long is a really long time?”
Emmery shrugged though her cheeks burned. “Roughly eighty. Er, ninety years.” She closed her eyes and let the words flow from the shadowed part of her soul. “The only time I did, it was … bad. Andrough. He hurt me and—” Her voice broke and the words dropped, crashed through the floor, and left a massive chasm between them. A huge gaping hole of destruction she’d once again created, because, evidently, she was bearing all her secrets now. Or maybe she subconsciously tried to sabotage this.
Dez’s hand found her cheek, and his thumb skimmed her birthmark as he leaned his forehead against hers. “I wouldneverhurt you. Will never hurt you.Ever.” He pulled back a sliver. “You know that, right?”
And as she looked up into his eyes, she said, “I know. I trust you.” Because she did—more than anyone else. “It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. Even if it happened long ago, it's important and valid. And thank you for telling me. For trusting me with it.”
Emmery watched him wrestle with whatever he planned to say, perhaps an admission to match hers. Dez opened his mouth, then shut it before he pinched the bridge of his nose and steeled himself.
“I should tell you, I’ve never—” He shook his head and tore his eyes away in shame. “This all happened to me when I was quite young. And I’ve never wanted anyone before. Not likethis. Not enough to try. But for you…” His stare bored into her, permanently leaving an imprint beneath her flesh. He ran his thumb across her bottom lip. “I hope you know I would crawl across broken glass to have your perfect lips wrapped around my cock, but—”
He studied her mouth as if he imagined just that. Her on her knees for him, his head thrown back in ecstasy as she unravelled him, made him come apart for her. His hand fisted in her hair as he murmured praise in his husky accent that made her knees weak. His breaths quickening, panting, and his hips losing their rhythm, thrusting into her mouth, surrendering control.
A shiver worked its way through her, wanting and waiting for him to act on that promising look. Gods, the depraved things she’d let this man do to her.
“I’ll give you anything you want. But I have a condition. I’m afraid there’s something incomparable that’s the object of my desire.”
She couldn’t pull air into her lungs as her ribs caved in, her body burning and yearning in too many ways. Blinking slowly, she gazed up at him. “And what’s that, Dez?”
“Because I’m a selfish, greedy, despicable man, I know it won’t sustain me. I need more than your body,” he breathed. His words struck her square in the chest as his thumb traced her lip, like he memorized the shape. “I want your heart too, Emmery.”
She’s mine.His words rang through her head and lived inside her blood now. Her stomach hollowed as she swallowed her hesitance. Things were too complicated, and she couldn’t promise him anything. Not beyond tonight.
“Dez—” she started, but he seized her and kissed her with enough force to muddle her thoughts and tangle her emotions.
“I know you’re not ready for that,” he said against her lips. “I’m willing to wait. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes. And I’m so confoundedly desperate for you, angel, if all you want isme tonight, then—” He smiled against her mouth and it was the embodiment of everything she craved. “I’m yours.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
EMMERY
His words were all the incentive Emmery needed.
She reached for Dez and their mouths collided, practically snarling from all the pent up desire that she’d kept bottled and now seeped from every pore. She wanted to tear his clothes off, rake her nails down his skin, sink her teeth into him, and drink his blood until she was drunk off it.
“A few small rules,” he whispered, his voice rough. He rolled her from beneath him and gently added, “Stand up, Em.”
She frowned but stood at the side of the bed. He perched himself on the edge, grasped her hips, and tugged her between his spread legs.
“First, if you want me to stop, you don’t hesitate. If anything makes you uncomfortable you say so. My feelings completely aside, yeah?”
She nodded and held his face in her hands. As they slickened with his blood, it took all her restraint not to lick it from her fingers. Her cheeks burned as she recalled the streak of pleasure and raw need it brought.
As if Dez could see her thoughts, he gave her a feral smile. “Second, blood exchange is sacred. We only do so in ritual bonds or with lovers. So if we share, I want you to do so with me, and only me.”
Now it made sense why the Treasurer had called him her lover. Her cheeks flared hotter as she realized she’d taken his blood at Thirst without asking. But he hadn’t stopped her and, really, she couldn’t imagine sharing with anyone else. “I can handle that,” she said.
“Good.” His smile was more devious than ever. “And third, as much as I know you love vexing me, I need you to listen. I don’t want to repeat the day at the pond. Can you do that for me?”
“You’re so bossy. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.” Emmery bit down on her bottom lip. “And what if I have conditions?”
Leaning back on his hands, he tilted his head to the side like he undressed her with his eyes. “Do you?”