Because it hurts.Because I trusted you and you hurt me, she wanted to say, wanted to scream, but it stuck in her throat.
“Emmery—” But her name broke off and he said no more.
“Don’t you care about the prophecy? Saving your people? You said you did. You told me that before we left for the Hollow. And it’s all riding onmyshoulders.” She breathed fire, hard and fast, her cheeks hot. “You could at least pretend you care. About this. About any of it. About me. Because I thought you did. For a moment, I actually thought you cared about me.”
His carefully crafted self-control shattered, like a dark flame obliterated all light that ever existed. She thought the hottest flames burned blue, but she’d been wrong. They were a blacksmoulder and lived in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”
“It doesn’t matter? It’s the most important thing, Dez! You can’t—”
“If I have to watch you love someone else,noneof it matters!”
The admission burst from him and darkened the room. She cracked open, like he’d seized both corners of her ribcage, wrenched it wide, and stole what he wanted as he warned he would.
“I can’t do it. I—I won’t do it. I won’t!” His chest shook with a breath. “Implexusbonds arenonsense. This prophecy is nonsense. I won’t watch you walk into another man’s arms when you belong in mine!”
Emmery’s heart lodged in her throat as she watched the fire in his eyes die to embers and now crackle a sad, lonely song. One she knew well. One she’d practically written herself. “Shade is out there,” she said, her voice broken.
“Then where is he?” he whispered. “If he’s so wonderful and made by the gods’ hands for you, and you two are destined, why hasn’t he come for you?”
Her stomach clenched and Emmery opened her mouth to answer, but she didn’t have one. The thought had tormented her the past few months though she refused to humour it. Maybe Shade had changed his mind. Maybe he no longer wanted her.
Destonne blinked, his eyes suddenly glossy. “Do you know the lengths I would go to if I were him? I would gladly spend my final breath searching and he’swaitingfor you to find him.” He sighed, long and heavy. “It’s sad, Em. You deserve someone to fight for you.”
“It’s—that’s not … I—” Hysteria rose in her throat, and she clamped her jaw shut. Bit down until it hurt.
“What if—” His voice caught. “What if the gods are wrong?”
“They can’t be,” she said, her lips, hands, and body numb, far away and fleeing from this reality, because it was too hard, and her stuttering heart rattled in her chest like broken porcelain. “You don’t even believe in the gods. Why should I listen to anything you say?”
“Because the gods should know you deserve infinitely more. You deserve someone to take care of you,” he breathed. “To worship you. To challenge you. To adore you. Someone who will stay by your side when things get tough. You deserve someone warm and solid and whole, who sees who you truly are and isn't afraid.”
Her throat burned and she tore her gaze from him.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.
She wasn’t supposed to feel this torn, and yet that was her soul fractured into insignificant pieces, not enough to spare, yet too many not to be helplessly broken.
“Is he going to be that for you?” Dez cupped her cheek, and she wanted to melt into his touch as his thumb swept over her cheekbone. “Because I would. I would doanything. I would be anything you needed. I would be your friend. Your confidant. Your strength. Your heart. Your soul. Your love.” His body pressed her into the wall. “Tell me,” he said, his voice rough, breaking. “Tell me I’ve not gone completely mad. Admit you feel this too, whatever this is. There’ssomethinghere. I know there is! Tell me what you’re feeling.”
She shook her head, almost imperceptibly. “It’s not that simple.”
“Try, Emmery. For what little remains of my sanity.” His throat worked. “How do you feel about me?”
“It doesn’t matter. What I want doesn’t matter. My fate is decided.”
“What you want is theonlything that matters. And if this is it, you could stay here. Forget about him and be with me. We can figure out this prophecy. This fever. Together.” His eyes softened and echoed his plea. “Stay with me.”
She couldn’t. There was no path with Dez. Zyphira had made that clear.
He tilted his head, and his brows drew together as he gently asked, “What are you so afraid of?”
Too much. She feared too many things, the stakes too vast.
His thumb slowly swept over her birthmark. “I could care for you better with my hands tied behind my back, struck deaf and blind. Iknowyou, Emmery. I hear you without words. I see you without looking. Everything in me recognizes you and would in any life. In any past or future. Eternal darkness or blinding light. The beginning or the end and everyin between. You and I were meant to find each other. And I know you feel it too.” His fingertips brushed the curve of her cheekbone and her eyes fluttered shut.
This wassomething. Something was here. She just didn’t know what.
He whispered, “Don’t you know I would love you so well if you let me?”