“I didn’t steal it. I never even asked for it. You must have offered your magic through the bond. And if you completed it, I’d do the same.” He gently squeezed her hand. “For the record, it shocked me as much as it did you.”
She flexed her fingers and imagined his ice at her fingertips, opposite her magic in every way, and yet, it instilled peace insideher. To share that with him. But maybe her flame had leapt to him, because, deep down, she wanted someone else to hold it. To become connected by this burden. Or maybe her magic knew he needed its aid all along.
Dez tilted his head, his eyes overflowing with such sadness it bled into her. “Did you get the answers you wanted?”
Her chest swelled, heavy and aching for him. She gave a quick nod.
“I see,” he said hoarsely, and it scraped through her, his pain so palpable it sat on her tongue. “Tell me why you’re here, angel. Because the suspense is killing me more efficiently than your flame ever could.”
She took his hand in both of hers and held it to her chest. Their gold and crimson melded like two halves of a whole. “I spoke to Reize. She said my magic can destroy the bond and dismantle anything really.”
Destonne’s face fell, and he grew unnervingly still.
“But—” She gazed up at him, her heart in her hands. “I want to know what you want, Dez. Tell me what you want first.”
“I already told you. Nothing has changed.” His jaw tightened and his eyes blazed, dark as the night sky. “If you’re going to break me all over again, do it quickly. My resilience is increasingly brittle.”
She burrowed into all that had run through her mind as she found her way back to him. All the things she needed to say.
“I didn’t want to admit it, but what you said was true. Because admitting it—” She held his hand to her face and breathed the next words into his skin. “I’ve never been enough. Not for anyone. Not for my mother, my sister, Nathaniel, and especially not for this prophecy. And I think I wanted to prove something to myself, and to this world. That I’m meant to be here. That if I could do this, if I could find Shade, I wouldn’t be such a worthless, terrible monster. But I don’t want to follow someoneelse’s path for me. I want to forge my own. I need to decide my own fate. And you, Dez—”
She swallowed the threat of tears. “You’ve been the balm to my burn. The antidote to my venom. The sun to my shade. You’re everything I don’t deserve. Because I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so stupidly brave and strong and confident. There isn’t anything you aren’t good at, and you’re damn brilliant, though I’m sure that will go straight to your head.”
Dez’s laugh bordered a sob.
“And though you pretend not to be, you’re gentle and kind. You’ve been everything I needed without ever having to ask. You’ve never made me feel less than. When I couldn’t glimpse my own reflection without recoiling, you’ve always looked at me with wonder. Even when I wasn’t looking back.”
“Emmery…” He exhaled in pain and regret and so much longing.
“It’s me who isn’t enough for you, and I know it.” Her bones splintered, and she cracked wide open, fearing she would crumble to the ground. “I—I don’t know how to love you properly. I’m only just learning to be kind to myself. You need a queen. Someone strong and fierce and sure of themselves. With the prophecy and Soren, you have every right to send me away. In fact, I know you should. And if you want children … I’m afraid you’ll resent me. That I can’t give you—” Emotion snagged in her throat, and she turned away.
But Dez’s hand found her cheek. “It’syouwho triumph over anything else. Because it’s you I desire—over my kingdom, my magic, over anything. I would have gladly tossed that vial into the abyss, if it meant I could hold you again.” His eyes brimmed with emotion. “You’re more than enough. You are so much more than you could ever imagine. There’s nothing more in this life for me. You’re it. We’ll figure out this prophecy together, but I needyou to tell me why you came back. I need to know what changed your mind.”
And all his words came flooding back. All the things he’d said, and she’d hoarded away like treasure.
When he’d saved her from herself.
I will never let you drown.
Come back to me.
You don’t need me to fix you, Emmery. You’re not broken.
When he was screaming how he felt, but she was deafened by denial.
Don’t you know how long I’ve been bleeding out for you? But I handed you the blade, didn’t I? Guided your hand to that weak gap between my ribs.
Please, Emmery, put me out of this misery.
I’m afraid we’re playing different games now, angel.
When he’d said infinitely more. When she’d thought it was too little.
Now, it seems, I only dream of one thing.
I need more than your body. I want your heart too, Emmery.
I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes. And I’m so confoundedly desperate for you, angel, if all you want is me tonight, then—I’m yours.