“I’m aware. But I can’t sit around and do nothing. If there’s even a minuscule chance she could still be alive, I need to do everything I can to find her. To bring her back home. And right now, the only lead I have is the Bratva.”
He let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why do I get the feeling there’s nothing I can say to make you reconsider?”
“Because there isn’t. I need to follow this. If I don’t…” I shook my head, the tightness in my throat returning. “I’ll never forgive myself.”
“What about Ariana?” Blake pressed after a protracted pause.
I darted my eyes toward him. “What about her?”
“What does she think of this brilliant plan?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t have to.
My silence spoke volumes.
“You haven’t told her,” he remarked flatly.
“And I’m not going to. No need to worry her unnecessarily.”
“You’re contemplating the equivalent of a suicide mission. Don’t you think she deserves to know what you’re thinking? That way she can start planning your funeral.”
I rolled my eyes. “Stop being so dramatic.”
“Not being dramatic. Just reminding you what’s at stake.”
“I’m well aware of what’s at stake. And it’s not just my life. It’s also Sarah’s.”
“If you hold off a little while, I could come with you so?—”
“Absolutely not,” I interjected quickly, my sharp tone reverberating through the room. “You could have died because of me,” I continued, my voice lower. “Hell, I thought you did die.”
“It wasn’t because of you. It was because of Victor Kane.”
“You voiced your concerns. I refused to listen. I won’t put you in that position again.”
“But you’ll put yourself in that position?” he challenged.
“I’ll take precautions.”
He was silent for a beat before asking, “What’s this really about?”
I furrowed my brow. “I told you. The Bratva is the best and only lead we have right now. One I should have pursued weeks ago. Now I am. And maybe it will lead me to Sarah.”
“Is this really about Sarah?” He narrowed his gaze on me. “Or is it about you?”
I blinked repeatedly, his question rendering me mute. It was exactly the kind of question Gideon would ask. I didn’t expect to get it from Blake.
Then again, he’s become as close a friend as Gideon over the years. One of the few people I could depend on.
Which makes my suspicions of him yesterday even more ridiculous.
“What are you talking about? This has been about Sarah from the beginning.”
“I get why you want to blame yourself,” he sighed, leaning his head against his pillow, his eyes growing droopy, most likely from the painkillers. “Believe me. I fucking get it. I’ve spent years chasing a ghost myself. All because of a fucked up combination of regret, guilt, and grief. Take it from me.” He shook his head. “It’s no way to live. Chasing ghosts. Spending every waking moment obsessed with uncovering the truth to the detriment of everything else. It’s the loneliest kind of existence there is.”
There were so many questions on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t want to interrupt. So I just let him keep talking.