“No, not that kind of break,” he replied as he shoved his hands into his pockets.
“So, what, then?” she asked, clearly confused.
He knew Sarah was dedicated to her work; hell, he was pretty sure it was the only thing that was keeping her grounded right now after the attack. But surely, she could see that she wasn’t going to be able to help anyone else in a meaningful way until she focused that attention on herself first.
He took a fortifying breath before speaking again. “A longer break,” he said. “Take some time to figure things out.”
She stood stock-still on the spot. The corners of her mouth turned down into a frown. In her eyes, he could see the shock and it gutted him. This was the last thing she had expected him to say, and he could tell how deeply it stung.
“I’m fine,” she said, forced out the words, and crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
He sighed, jerking his head down toward the lodge. “Sure you are, but maybe think about it?” He paused, waiting for her reply. Her frown deepened but she eventually nodded. “Right now, you still need something to eat,” he pointed out. “Come down and get something with me?”
“Fine,” she muttered, but the discomfort was evident in her tone. This, he got the feeling, was going to be a problem, but he wasn’t going to give up that easily. Just because she was normally the one who took care of everyone else didn’t mean that she didn’t need someone to look out for her sometimes, too.
Chapter Two
Sarah stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets as she followed Lawson down the path toward the lodge. She felt like an unruly child being put in a time-out for something they weren’t truly responsible for. Internally, though, she was reeling. Did she really hear him correctly? She wasn’t sure. She felt as though she must be reading in to what he’d said the wrong way, but what else could she take away from his words?
A break. Not just a few hours away, a full-blown break. That was what he had suggested. That was what he wanted her to do. No, there was no way… There was just nowayshe could take that much time away from her work. She would be climbing the walls with boredom.
She had a hard enough time as it was, tossing and turning all night long, replaying the day of Jed’s attack over and over again in her head. Given more time to sit with her thoughts, how was that going to make things any better? Be any easier? She would lose her mind.
Besides, this job was her life. This work, it had been her dream since she was a little girl. She had known, even then, that it wasn’t going to be easy—known that it was going to demand a lot from her—and she had been prepared for it. She had been aware, from when she had started her training, that it was going to throw some tough situations at her, and she had told herself that she could handle it. She was going to be that safe place, that port in a storm for people who needed it.
“Is this about what happened with Jed?” she demanded, hurrying to catch up with Lawson.
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and nodded. “I just think you could use some time to process it, that’s all.”
“I don’t…” she protested. “I… It only happened a few months ago. I’m still dealing with it—”
“Yeah, and having some space to dedicate to that might do you some good,” he replied. “Getting away from here will help you clear your mind, get a better perspective on things.”
She shook her head. “No way,” she retorted. “I’m fine. I’m just being hard on myself because I was working with him, and I should have seen there was something going on…”
She trailed off, distinctly aware of how it sounded. Like she was still stuck in the process of blaming herself. Hell, if she was, would anyone be surprised? She was supposed to be able to get a good read on people, not—not let a traitor into their midst, a spy who intended to upend the whole place.
She’d always considered herself an intuitive person who could sense the needs and intentions of others. But after what happened with Jed, she didn’t trust her own intuition as much anymore. She had let down herself and other people by not seeing through Jed sooner.
Even though the warmth of the summer sun was beating down on her face, she couldn’t help but shiver slightly when she thought about everything that had happened. The look on his face when he had gone into a rage in her office, the way his eyes had darkened and his features had twisted into someone who was unrecognizable. The charming smile he had used to deceive them had disappeared.
She’d seen plenty of people working through serious issues before, vanishing into dark memories or bad self-belief, but she had never, in her whole time working as a psychologist, seen a transformation so consuming and so terrifying.
And that—that had stuck with her. Knowing that someone could just flip on a dime like that, go crazy in that way, terrified her. And crazy was the only way she could describe it. The people she treated, they weren’t crazy, they were just damaged, trying to navigate the reality of what they had been through as best they could. But Jed? He was deranged…with evil intentions and a darkened soul. And she prayed she was never going to have to deal with someone like that again.
“I can’t expect myself to go back to normal that quickly. It takes time,” she continued, and she could feel him watching her out of the corner of his eye. They passed Hannah, who offered Sarah a sympathetic smile. Sarah hated people looking at her like that, as though she was some kind of victim, in desperate need of help. She was fine. She just…needed a moment of fresh air and something to eat, that’s all.
“Sarah, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break,” he remarked to her gently. “How many times have you told that to one of your clients?”
She pressed her lips together. Well, she couldn’t argue with that, she supposed. Damn the man! He was sneaky, using her own methods against her. And maybe he had a point, but she didn’t want to admit that to him, not so easily, anyway. He offered her a kind smile, but she still wasn’t reassured. The words he’d said to her about taking a break were swirling around inside her head and she felt a knot forming in her stomach.
All at once, Lawson stopped in his tracks and reached into his pocket. Checking his phone, he frowned, and glanced over at her.
“I have to take this,” he told her apologetically. “We can talk more about this later, okay? Please make sure you eat something soon and get some fresh air.”
“Yeah, sure,” she replied, though she secretly hoped that he was going to forget they’d had this conversation. She knew sheshould take his concern to heart, and truthfully, she probably did need some time off. She just couldn’t entertain the thought of that right now. She needed her work and this place to help keep her grounded right now.
She was proud of what she did here, helping people to find their balance, their footing again. She felt that canceling therapy sessions or shifting her clients to someone else in town would do more harm than good. She needed them as much as they needed her right now.