Dear God, the only man she’d ever loved—she could acknowledge that emotion now, knowing what she was feeling and that she’d never feel it for another—had asked her to be his wife, and she’d had to say no.
The sobs started, and this time she wasn’t sure if they would ever end.
CHAPTER 25
Two days later, Tilly was still struggling to know what to do. Her head was all over the place, and all she could think about was Ambrose, his proposal, and how much she’d longed to say yes, but had known she could not.
It was after the night he’d rescued her that her feelings for the man had become clear. She loved him. All this time she’d been verbally sparring with the Ambrose, and the outcome had been love, which still shocked her, but she could no longer deny what was in her heart.
But then, she’d known the emotion was strong when he’d touched her that day in Lolly’s Bookshop. The things she’d allowed him to do, and the feel of his hands on her body, would never have happened had her heart not been involved.
“I’m doomed to live out my days as a lovelorn fool,” she muttered, pacing around her room as she’d done for days.
Tilly had never loved a man before Ambrose. This she knew, as the emotion was almost savage inside her when she brought him to mind, a place from which he was never far.
He was conceited and had a maddening need to always be right, but then, so did she. Theirs would have been a lifefilled with verbal confrontations and fierce love, and she would have relished every moment. Her heart broke anew every time she thought about him and what she’d given up.
She’d have to leave London and never see him again. There was no other choice. But first, she’d have to leave her father’s town house, which she had not done as yet, and today was that day.
Tilly had sent word to Margaret that she was still not herself, and the reply had been that all was going well at The Iris with the new maid and Ruby settling in well. Barnaby had earned a special place with everyone too. Margaret had finished withPlease take your time, Miss Wilson, after such an ordeal. There is no need to return to The Iris before you are ready.
After washing and dressing, she made her way to her mother’s favorite morning parlor, where she and Father often took their tea. Entering, Tilly found them seated together, reading a newspaper.
Would she and Ambrose have done that?Stop, Tilly. No good can come of what-ifs.
“Hello, dear. Come and join us,” her mother said. “We are pleased to see you are up and about today and not closeted in your room.”
“A slight relapse after the abduction. There is nothing to worry about. I feel a great deal better today.” She had become an excellent liar.
Weak sunlight filtered into the lovely room, lighting up the soft cream walls. Gauzy rose-hued fabric draped a large window, and a rug of apricot-and-cream stripes sat in the middle of the polished wooden floor.
“So you will no longer avoid society and The Iris, but be part of it again, Tilly?”
“I-I was not avoiding it, Father, as I have just explained,” she stammered with little certainty, because they were right. That was exactly what she’d been doing.
“Which is completely understandable were it true,” he said, holding her eyes until she lowered them.
“Sit, child. We need to talk,” her mother said.
“I was going to?—”
“Sit,” her father said in a voice he rarely used, but when he did, the recipient tended to listen.
She settled on the edge of the chair across from the sofa they shared.
“Now tell us, what is going on with you?” he asked.
“Need it be more than the abduction?”
“Yes, and your mother and I believe it has to do with Lord Talbot. I had thought Mr. Howard may be the cause, but when he left, according to your mother, you were not pale and looking like you’d seen a ghost, as you were before she ushered your second caller from the house.”
“Oh well, the thing is…” Her words fell away, as she was unsure what to say.
“Come, we do not have secrets,” her mother said.
“Lord Talbot asked me to marry him, and I refused,” Tilly said slowly. “I’m sure you understand why.”
“Lord Talbot proposed, and you refused him?” Her father appeared stunned at that.