“That bad, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Your jammies are cute, though.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his attempt to lighten the tense air that weighed me down.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as the sound of a floorboard creaking outside his door made us both freeze.
Jaxon quietly led me to the spot where we’d been spending an unusual amount of time lately. His closet. After the first time Jameson, his twin brother, caught me one night, innocently curled up in Jaxon’s bed where he was consoling me, we’d retreat to this hidden space whenever I’d snuck inside his room. It felt a little strange at first, and yet there was something oddly comforting about it.
In the darkness, with Jaxon close beside me, I felt safe enough to voice my fears, even when it was hard to put them into words. Not being able to see his face or read his expression made it easier to open up. The secrecy of the closeted space was where I could speak my inner thoughts without overthinking. He couldn’t see the sorrow in my eyes, the tension in my cheeks, or how my shoulders sagged under the weight of defeat from my despair.
“There are brighter days ahead, I promise you, Lils,” Jaxon murmured.
With our fingers woven together, he brought my hand to his lips and softly peppered me with reassurance.
“I can’t believe we are graduating tomorrow. We’ve talked about this day for so long, and it’s finally here.”
The milestone in our lives and the reminder that we were soon leaving Sutton River together gave me something to look forward to amid the uncertainty in my home life. Arizona and I had our apartment locked down, summer jobs all set, and Jaxon, along with his brother, were following in their father’s footsteps by enrolling in the fire academy.
Despite heading off to schools in different cities in the fall, we promised to stay loyal and see each other whenever we could.He was my person, and I was his. But that fact did little to alleviate the nervousness that had settled in the pit of my stomach lately and refused to go away.
“Crazy, right?” he agreed.
I snuggled in closer, draping my legs over his thick, muscular thighs. Jaxon’s body was a work of art, the result of countless hours he and the football team logged in the gym and on the field, coupled with his strict, disciplined diet, which helped shape every defined muscle and curve with precision.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“I know the plan after the dance was to go to Tucker’s place for the bonfire . . .” I hesitated, summoning the courage. “I was wondering?—”
“What is it?”
With the way his forearm tensed around my back, I was positive he could hear the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. “I-I want to celebrate . . . just the two of us.”
“Just us?” Surprise was evident in his tone.
“Yes,” I confessed.
“As in?—”
“Yes.” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel any pressure.”
“I’m ready, Jaxon. I don’t want to wait any longer to be with you.” I reached out and felt my way through the dark until my fingers grazed the side of his cheek. Under my palm, I felt the curve of his smile.
Tingles snaked up my spine the moment his hand traveled across my bare thigh to where he gripped my hip over my sleep shorts, while my pulse raced with an intensity that left me breathless.
“Lily.” His breath ghosted over my lips.
“Please.” I couldn’t help the pant that crossed my lips with desperation. “Touch me, Jaxon, please.”
Sure, we’d messed around, and all our firsts were with each other, but we had yet to go all the way.
“Lily, I?—”