“No,” Mikhail shook his head, leaning down and kissing her forehead. “I don’t. I think we finally have a chance.”
“How can yousaythat?” Anastasia tilted her head to look up at him. “We’re sitting in The Winter Palace, for God’s sake.”
“Anya,” Mikhail said softly, “I know that you’re frightened. I know it... I am, too. You have got to get away from this fear of your father. This fear ofwho you are.That will trip you up before we ever go head-to-head with the Tsar.”
“No,” she shook her head, “I’m one person! You can’t put this all on me.”
“I’mnotputting it all on you,” Mikhail sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. The conversation was not going in the direction that he had planned. “You need to know who you are, or other people are going to tell you instead.”
“People like my father,” Anastasia muttered, years’ worth of pain etched into her features.
“Look at me,” Mikhail said softly, hooking his fingers under her chin and pushing up until she made eye contact with him. “Do you know who you are, Anya?”
Anastasia sighed, feeling a tremor of anxiety run through her gut. “Why don’t you remind me.”
“No,” he shook his head softly, “You have to do it. You have to know who you are beyond a shadow of a doubt, do you understand?” Anastasia sighed before squirming uncomfortably and moving a little farther away from Mikhail. There was something written on her face that he couldn’t quite decipher.
He cursed under his breath, once again frustrated that something had come along to ruin their moment. He didn’t feel like they were on borrowed time until they had started to discuss what they were up against.
Mikhail didn’t want to encourage her that they would do it together — even though they would, he’d follow her to hell — but he wanted her to believe inherself.
Not that she needed him behind her. She’d always be able to find her magic without him, and he needed to prepare her for that day… should it ever come.
“Anya,” he chided, “What’s that expression on your face? Tell me.”
“No,” she shrugged it off, shaking her shoulders as if she could physically rid herself of the emotion. “It’s… it’s stupid. Let’s just forget that I brought anything up.”
“Let’s not,” he said, kissing her again. She tried and failed to stifle a smile when his beard brushed against her. “Tell me.”
Anastasia said nothing, and it suddenly dawned on Mikhail. How long had it been since someone had told Anastasia to trust herself… and meant it? Her entire life had been people sent to capture her secrets.
They had just gotten over themselves enough to admit that they loved one another — he knew that she trusted him, but that didn’t mean that she was comfortable with it.
Mikhail did the only thing that he could do. He moved down until he was wrapped around her like a blanket, capturing her in his arms and pressing his body up against hers.
“Anya,” his voice was low and sultry, “Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” His hands began to gently run down her ribcage, attempting to soothe her through his ministrations.
“Are you trying to seduce me into being vulnerable with you right now?”
“Technically, I’ve already seduced you. Let the record show that.”
“Alright, yes,” Anastasia couldn’t stop from laughing the smallest bit, “You’re avoiding the question, which is very damning.”
“Fine,” Mikhail let out an exaggerated groan, “Yes. I’m trying to seduce you into being vulnerable with me. Is it working?”
Anastasia sighed, leaning back against him and letting her hands tangle in his hair. “Well, I am a sucker for men with hair longer than mine.” There was a teasing lilt to her voice that Mikhail wanted to make sure it never left.
“You love it,” he smiled down at her, kissing her nose.
“Alright,” Anastasia sighed, looking away, “I… Mikhail, I feel like a burden. Every step of the way, I feel like I need you behind me, and I just… I can’t stand it.”
“You can’t stand… what exactly?” Mikhail looked down at her, utterly thrown for a loop by her confession but desperately wanting to make sure that she kept sharing. “All of your magic — all of it — that’s allyou,Anastasia. Can’t you see that?”
“I can’t do it without you! Don’t you feel like you’re stuck following around some helpless Romanova who doesn’t know how to use her magic?” Her voice escalated, and Mikhail could see fear flooding her eyes.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Mikhail shook his head quickly, getting ready to cut off her derailed train of thought. He maneuvered her around so she was looking at him once more.
“You can use your magic without me. Youhave.You’ve used it to save me when I was entirely indisposed. You’ve helped those people in the city without even looking at me. You just need a little reminding of who you are.”