“Rona only plays every now and again. Sorry, but thanks,” Nell said.
I appreciated her coming to my defence. The thing was, I had the urge to come back next week. I loved it tonight. Something had shifted in me. Best not to make any more snap decisions tonight though. “That’s really kind of you to ask but I can’t. Maybe something during Pride, though?”
“Wow, okay, that would be awesome! I’ll be in touch.”
We sat at a table in the near empty club as the staff cleaned up and rang out the tills.
“So, you’re going to play Glastonbury?” Nell asked.
“If he’s serious, and it wasn’t just the drink talking, then yeah!”
“That’s huge,” Oscar said. “What happened to you tonight?”
“I’m buzzing. It’s probably something to do with Lily. And what you’ve both been encouraging me to do for a while. I haven’t really thought it all through yet, but I think I’m going to start releasing my own music under my name.”
“What?” Oscar said. “That’s even huger.”
“Really?” Nell looked dumbfounded.
“It’s time. Tonight felt so good. I feel different. I won’t have to tour much if I don’t want to. Glastonbury will probably be on a small unknown stage away from everything. Obscure. I can do that.”
Both of them were looking at me, as if I had said I was going to join a far-right extremist group.
Nell spoke first. “You’re not doing it just to prove a point to Lily, are you?”
“No. I’m not.” I held her eyes. But it was true that Lily confronting me about it had been the final straw.
“Good,” Nell replied.
“Fucking hell, Rona. Good for you. You’re going to be a superstar,” Oscar said.
“Don’t say that to her, Oscar. It’ll scare her away.”
“I just think you should be prepared. Once you release an album of all your stuff, it’s going to hit number one everywhere and go viral. The collaborations are going to start pouring in. More people than ever are going to want you to produce them, and to play on their show, venue, club, festival – you name it. I’m not sure there’s any chance you can release it and stay obscure. You have a cult following who know that it’s on the cards for you. They’ve been waiting for years.”
Shit. What if Oscar was right? Could I handle all that? Did I want it?
Nell countered. “You don’t know that’s going to happen, Rona. Most people have to really push to get their stuff out there. There are so many artists and so many options for listening to music now. Also, you’re not young and cool like you once were. We love you and think you’re awesome, but do the twenty-two-year-olds? I hate to say it, but we’re allover the hill. Have you seen how uncool these gen z’s think us millennials are?”
I was quiet for a moment to think. The owner of the bar looked over at us, as if we should start to get a move on. Chairs were stacked up all around us upside down on tables. The place was virtually empty.
“You both make good points. But I think I still want to do it, in either of those cases. If I feel like I did tonight, then I can take that energy and apply that to every other gig. I can do this on my own terms, being myself, and being okay if people don’t like my music or me. I’m getting older, and I’m seeing that things are different now than they were ten years ago. I know who I am and I don’t need everyone to like me. I love making music and I want to share it with people. It’s true. That’s it. It hasn’t felt right, deep down, not sharing what I’ve created with people. I’ve kept telling myself, and both of you, that it doesn’t matter to me but it does. I want to share my music. I’m ready now to put myself out there and not be attached to the outcome. I’ve got you guys and a great support around me. That’s all that really matters to me. Nell, if you’re up for working with me, I’d be so grateful.”
“Aw, Rona, you’re going to make me cry,” Oscar said, covering his mouth, face quivering.
Nell looked at me. “I’ve never been more up for anything in my life. Let’s do it!”
~ 22 ~
Lily
I stared at my guest across the table from me, a beautiful older woman with a mesmerising Swiss accent. I finished reading her most recent book last night, after my extensive research on her work. Dr Elena Muller was a renowned couple’s therapist and author of several books on relationships. I couldn’t believe she was taking the time to talk to me on my podcast. It couldn’t have been better timing what with the recent trouble Rona and I were having. We were staying in touch while giving each other space. I was feeling better because I’d been able to get some time to myself to recharge. Even my shoulder was feeling a bit better. I didn’t know how to be around someone one hundred percent of the time and not feel overwhelmed, especially when being around Rona was the most intense and intimate thing I’d ever experienced.
“What are the biggest reasons couples argue?”
My guest spoke, after a beat. I got the impression she rarely said anything before thinking about it first. “The most common surface level reasons are usually money, sex, parenting, and time. But under the surface there are three things almost every conflict between a couple is about. And they are, power and control, closeness and affection, and recognition. When a couple repeats the same argument time and time again, it’s a sign something is not being addressed relating to one or more of these three topics. For example, does your husband long for affection while the last thing you want to do is to be intimate? Does your wife constantlyget angry that you do not recognise what she does for the family? Does one partner always demand more control or can the couple share power? I find that with correct understanding of what is driving conflict, couples can begin to meet each other and find their way back to each other.”
“How do you know a relationship is worth saving, if you are constantly arguing?”