Rae
Wow, never expected to hear from you again, stranger.
Asher
Yeah, you’re actually talking to a ghost.
Rae
That tracks actually.
He ends up telling me he’s back in Denver, and I’m surprisedno one knows. Why would he tell me? It’s not like we’ve ever been close, and I’m not about to read into it right now when my mind is already a mess from everything else going on.
People may think this isn’t a big deal, it comes with the territory of being famous. Which it does, to an extent, but it doesn’t make it okay.
Same thing can be said about stalkers.
Now I’m thinking about it again. The bouquet of flowers that showed up in my dressing room in the tour stop in Tampa. At first I thought it was from someone in my family, but after looking at the ominous note I got a chill down my spine and let security know.
You’re singing only for me.
I asked everyone I know if they’re playing a prank on me, but they all denied it. I moved on, but the sense of unease hasn’t completely gone away. Even now, I’m back home and I’m safe, but the feeling lingers.
I refuse to let it consume my life, just like people that feel like talking bad about me makes their lives better. My name gets them clicks and that’s all they care about.
Maybe Iamboring.
I’ve always been “good.” I never have any scandals, nothing has ever been said about me being a diva because I’m not. I’m placed on a pedestal that I built. And it’s making me question everything up until this point.
Can I really go the rest of my life like this? One small push could lead to my downfall all because I’ve played it safe and been too “perfect.”
Musicians reimagine themselves all the time. Find new sounds, experiment and change. I chew on my bottom lip while spiraling. And because he must have some sort of sixth sense my phone goes off with a text from Grayson.
Grayson
We’re heading out and I already can’t wait to see you when I get back.
I smile at my screen thinking about my best friend.Is he more now? Oh my God, I cannot add this to my spiral right now. We kissed, and didn’t talk about what that means now. I also don’t want him to worry about me while he’s away because he has games to focus on.
Rae
Play well, I’ll be watching *Wink face emoji*
I cover my face with my hands, falling back onto my pillows. Today I can spiral, figuring out what I’m going to do.
Tomorrow, I get it together.
I didmy best to try and get it together. I put my phone on do not disturb and threw myself into my music. For once, I try not to overthink the lyrics I’m writing. I’m not concerning myself if the melody I’m throwing together sounds good. I’m just trying to channel everything into the music.
No one has to hear this, I’m sure no one will. I just need an outlet and it’s turned into something I’ve never created before.
Setting my phone on the piano, I hit record so I can listen back to it. I’ll probably end up deleting the recording, never to see the light of day, but I don’t let it stop me. I play the chords, punching at the keys while the lyrics flow from my throat by memory. It’s raw, real, and unlike anything I’ve released.
At the last note, I play the final chord progression and let the sound from the piano fade naturally before I stop the recording.
I don’t want to listen to it right now, I always need some distance from a song before I listen back to it or else I’ll just rip itapart completely. There’s another text that comes through and I’m shocked to see who it’s from, yet again.
Asher