Rae nods.
“Did he kiss you?”
She tilts her head to the side, and then shakes it.
Now, I’m confused.
“Did you kiss him?”
Again, she shakes her head.
“Sunshine, you might have to just tell me if you want me to know.”
“He…um, I mean, we…um,” she hesitates and it’s pretty cute to see her stumble over her words like this. It almost makes up for the way my stomach feels like it’s going to turn over itself if she doesn’t actually tell me.
“Baby, just tell me, I won’t be mad,” I try to soothe her. I know she can get anxious and I hate to see her struggle with it. She has no reason to with me, ever.
“We may have hooked up a little bit,” she cringes, and I wait for the hurt to hit me, but it doesn’t come. I’m jealous, yeah, but mostly because he’s seen her in a way I haven’t. And I want to change that.
“You had sex with him?” I clarify.
She shakes her head. “No, he just went down on me.”
My eyebrows raise. “Did you come?”
“I—Yeah, I mean, yes, but that’s all that happened.”
I wish I was home right now. If she told me this in person I’d want to throw her onto her bed and do the same, but make sure I’m better. I’m not mad, maybe I should be. I should probably have some other reaction that isn’t wanting to immediately prove to her that I can be better. It shouldn’t be a competition but for some reason now it is.
“What if I want you to come for me?” I ask, trying not to let her see how nervous I am. This is all such new territory for us,and I don’t know how she’s going to react. Maybe she wants Asher and our kiss didn’t mean as much to her as it did for me.
That would hurt more than I want to admit, but I want whatever will make her happy.
She finally looks at the screen, eyes wide and mouth dropped. I keep going, trying to keep the phone steady even though my hand is shaking.
“Touch yourself for me, Sunshine. I may not be there to do it for you, but I want to see.”
“What exactly do you want to see?”
“What it looks like when you fall apart for me.”
If she doesn’t want this she can hang up right now. We can pretend it didn’t happen, go back to being friends. I can even try to pretend like I don’t know what it feels like to have her lips pressed against mine. Her tongue tentatively touching mine. I can pretend just to keep her in my life if that’s what she wants.
Rae hesitates and I’m waiting to see what she’s going to do, gripping the phone so tight the corner is digging into my palm, but I don’t dare look away.
“Tell me what you would do if you were here,” she finally says and I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
She adjusts on her bed, the camera stays on her face, but I can see her shifting around.
“You mean what I’mgoingto do when I’m back?” I correct.
She nods, already letting out a small whimper.
“Are you touching yourself for me, Sunshine?”
“Mhm.”
“Are you wet for me?”