I laughed, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. She sat beside me, her shoulder pressing into mine.
“Is it bad?” she asked.
I looked at Hunter’s letter and at Isla’s card.
“No,” I whispered.
Billie waited. I pressed the letter against my chest. “That’s the problem.” My voice broke, but this time it did not feel like breaking apart. “It’s exactly right.”
For the first time in a week, I did not reach for my phone just to stare at Hunter’s name. I held his words in my hands instead and let myself believe, just for a second, that maybe loving him didn’t have to mean losing myself.
CHAPTER 29
Hunter
I thought putting the truth on paper would make it easier to breathe, but once Taylor took the letter, all I could do was wait for Catherine to decide whether my truth had come too late. Isla asked three times if Catherine had answered. The first time, I told her not yet. The second time, I told her patience was important. The third time, she looked at my phone sitting faceup on the kitchen counter and said, “You should listen to your own advice.” So apparently my daughter had started heckling me in my own home.
By noon, Taylor texted to say Catherine had the letter and Isla’s card. She gave no details or report on whether Catherine had read it, cried, thrown it into the pool, or decided I was still not worth the trouble. I told myself that once, then realized it was only another way to prepare for losing her. I was done doing that. I put my phone in my pocket, kissed Isla’s forehead, thanked the babysitter for coming early, and drove to the arena.
Cole’s truck was already in the lot. I sat there for a moment with the engine off, staring at the building that had been my second home for years. I had walked into that arena after badgames, injuries, trades, losses, and wins. This shouldn’t have felt so hard. Cole was in his office when I knocked on the open door. He looked up from a stack of papers, and the second he saw me, his lips pursed.
“Got a minute?” I asked.
“Depends on what you’re here to say.”
“I’m not resigning,” I clarified.
A flicker of surprise crossed his face before he buried it.
“I’m here about Catherine.”
His expression hardened. “Then close the door.”
For a second, neither of us spoke. I had sat across from him countless times, talking lines, leadership, media pressure, locker room issues, Isla’s school fundraisers, his kids, my parents, everything. Cole had been the man I went to when I needed advice. Now I was standing in front of him because I had become the problem.
“I left that night because I was scared,” I started.
Cole watched me intently. “I told myself I was giving Catherine space. I told myself staying would make things worse, that there was no solution in that room, and walking away was the right thing to do.” I swallowed. “That wasn’t the whole truth. The truth is, I saw how much this could cost her, and I panicked.”
Cole’s eyes went flat. “So, you left her crying in her bedroom.”
The words hit exactly where he aimed them. “That’s what you want me to understand? That you were scared?”
“No. I want you to know I understand what I did was wrong.”
He leaned back, nothing about him relaxed. “Do you?”
“I hurt her. I made her feel like when things got hard, I’d walk.”
“You did walk,” he deadpanned, and that was the truth. I had been a fool.
“I know.” It wasn’t a proud moment.
He looked toward the window overlooking the empty practice rink. “She was devastated.”
My chest tightened. Hearing the words from him was so much worse than just picturing it in my head.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I love her. I love your daughter. I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear from me, but I’m done softening it. I love her, and I’m done quitting on her because I’m scared, she’ll decide I’m not worth what it costs to be with me. You know what happened with Amy. You know my head has been messed up because of it for years, and I’m not making excuses now. I’ve come to say that I want to be with Catherine and stand by her side through thick and thin if she’ll let me.”