“Right. Months ago. Why is it still lingering? Why are people tryna act like I’m the same dude I was back then? They haven’t heard nothing about me in months. I’ve been chillin’. Spendin’ time with my girl. Workin’ on getting certified so I can start this business. I haven’t even been in these Jackson Falls streets since before my birthday. That was six months ago.”
“Yeah, but you were so proficient at messing up.” He chuckled. “It’s gonna take more than a few months for people to forget who you were when you first got here.”
“I don’t even care what people think, . . . except for Church. She ain’t really wanna mess with me in the first place. She didn’twant her name attached to somebody who was popular around town for all the wrong reasons. I don’t want her to think she was right, to regret even giving me a chance.”
“They say it takes twenty years to build a good reputation, and five minutes to ruin it. You spent twenty years making a reputation as a playboy. Did you really think you were going to be able to shake it in a few months?”
“So you sayin’ that I’m just stuck with the reputation as the town thot?”
He laughed. “I’m saying that you have to teach people that you’re not that guy. And you do that with consistency. Keep being this new version of yourself. Keep showing up as trustworthy, serious, dependable, and hard-working. Don’t let the whispers detract you. Keep leading with your character. Character is who you are. Reputation is who other peoplethinkyou are.”
Church and Marisold out of product just as the sun started to set. Part of me wondered if that was because of the rumors. Usually, she sold out before the afternoon even hit—before lunchtime. A lot of people came to the booth and bought, but a lot of people turned sad eyes on her, rolled their eyes at me, and walked past the booth. Even some of the people who made purchases gave Church sympathetic looks, and basically gawked at me, like they couldn’t believe she was still letting me hang around.
I really wanted to crash the hell out and ask some of those staring motherfuckers if they had an eye problem that they needed me to fix. But I knew that wouldn’t do anything but make the situation worse.
Once everything was sold, we broke down the empty boxes and loaded them in the truck. I would take them to be recycled on Monday. Church didn’t say much, and I didn’t push. Shit. I wasn’t even sure what to say. I just knew I needed to say something. I needed to open the dialogue before the ill feelings started to fester. Mari had already taken off with Lex, so it was just the two of us. We walked to my pickup since we’d come to the festival together. We drove to her house in silence.
“Lil’ mama,” I said, as I pulled into her driveway.
“I’m fine, Jonah.”
“You’re not. Don’t lie. If you’re not ready to talk, say that. But we are gonna talk about it.”
“What’s to talk about?”
“Whatever has you pissed off.”
“Nobody’s pissed off.”
“Yeah, you are.”
She didn’t offer a rebuttal. She just got out of my truck and slammed the door like she had a personal vendetta against it. I knew she probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, but the distance she was working to create between us was making me sick to my damn stomach. I jumped out of the truck and stepped into her space, stopping her as she headed toward her front porch.
“Baby.”
She looked up at me with sadness in her eyes. Then she moved around me and walked up the stairs of her porch and unlocked her door.
I followed her into the house, both of us immediately stopping to remove our shoes. She wordlessly made her way into the kitchen with me hot on her heels. After washing her hands at the sink, she moved to the refrigerator. The two bottles of water she pulled out landed on the island countertop.
After I’d washed my hands, I turned to face her. “I’ve done a lot of wild shit in my life,” I began. “Things that were dumb as hell—not well thought out. Things that were risky and, in retrospect, weren’t worth the risk. I’ve been reckless, careless, and impulsive. But one thing I’ve never been is embarrassed. I’ve regretted shit and promised myself that I would never do certain shit or make certain moves in life ever again. But I’ve never been embarrassed about any of my behavior. I’ve always had anit is what it isstance about anything I’ve done in life . . . until today.”
I walked over to her and took both of her hands in mine. Then I looked her dead in the face because that was what she deserved. “Baby, I’m so fuckin’ embarrassed.” I shook my head. “The man in me is telling me that I’m pissed. I’m pissed that niggas is running around, spreading lies about me because of what they heard. But that ain’t really it. My ego just doesn’t want to admit that my past behavior and my past choices are fuckin’ with my current situation. I done got my girl, . . . my fuckin’ heart’s name, dragged into some shit that doesn’t have nothin’ to do with her. Motherfuckers stoppin’ at your booth, givin’ you the sad fuckin’ face like you’re?—”
She cut me off, pulling her hands from mine with anger burning in her brown eyes. “The dumb bitch who tried to make a ho into a housewife?” she questioned.
She was pissed. I knew embarrassment was behind her feelings, too. I didn’t even bother to try to calm her down. I let her get all of her shit off because it was only right.
“They’re coming to my booth, treating me like I’m the dummy that agreed to stick beside you while you have two babies on the way. The main thing I told you when you first started coming around was that I didn’t want my name in these people’s mouths. Now, here’s my name, . . . in these people’s mouths.”
“I know. You’re right. You keep to yourself. Now you’re caught up in my bullshit.” I took her hands in mine again. “I’m sorry. I apologize. This shit is all my fault. I spent my first few months here, treating Jackson Falls like my personal hunting ground. I fucked indiscriminately and acted like my actions wouldn’t have any consequences because I usually didn’t give a fuck about the consequences. Now, my life isn’t just about me. Now, I actually have something to lose.”
“What do you have to lose?” A smirk played on her lips. I could tell she was trying to fight it. She wanted to stay mad, but she was losing the battle.
I pulled her into my arms. She let me, coming into my embrace without offering any resistance. “Stop playing with me, stink. You know what I have to lose. You. I don’t give a shit about my reputation. But I definitely care about yours. I don’t want you out here catching strays behind my bullshit.”
“I know reputations are hard to overcome, but don’t let this situation distract you from what you’ve got going on now. Being the town bop is in your past.” She couldn’t stop herself from giggling.
“Damn. So, I was the town bop? That’s how you saw me?”