But Mark shook his head. “Not yet. As much as I’d love to unwrap you, my dearest Christmas present, I’m not sure you’re ready.”
“We’ve done this before,” Ellen protested, not sure why she was protesting. “I remember quite liking it, actually.”
His eyes darkened with desire. “I quite liked it myself. They were my fondest memories when on a ship for weeks on end. But I want you to wake up the next morning and smile at me with nary a regret. And I’m not sure we’re there yet.”
Ellen opened her mouth to disagree, but he was right. She hadn’t made love or been kissed in eight years, and now that he was back in her life, her body had awakened from its stupor as a yearning, aching beast. But her heart still wasn’t sure about him.She mock-frowned at him. “I hate it when you’re right. It’s beeneight yearsfor me, Mark. That’s too long.”
Mark threw back his head and laughed. He kissed her forehead and eased her off his lap. “I had wondered if you’d sought companionship while I was away.”
She shook her head. “I was too busy.”
“I want you,” he said. “Believe me, it’s been eight long years since I’ve been intimate with someone and I plan to savor the experience when it does happen.”
Ellen’s jaw dropped. “Eight years? But that means…” She looked at him suspiciously as she stood, still holding his hand. “Are you just saying that to make me fall in love with you?”
Mark shook his head, puzzled. “No?”
“You’ve not had another woman? In all this time?”
He cocked his head. “Ellen, I’m married toyou.”
“You fell out of love with me. You never planned to see me again.”
Mark flushed. “I still meant my vows. And it’s not like I had plenty of opportunities anyway. I was at sea for two or three months at a time.”
“And…not with other sailors?” Ellen asked.
He furrowed his brow. “How do you know about—? Never mind, of course you’d know. You know all sorts of things. I had a few offers, discreetly of course, but I was never interested. I’d…like to claim I was being honorable, but honesty compels me to explain how few chances I had to be with a woman, between the ship and hunting foxes with my brothers while on leave.”
Ellen couldn’t hide her grin.
“What?” Mark stared at her. “What’s that smile for?”
“Nothing.” Ellen walked toward the hall, tugging him along. “I’m hungry again. Let’s find this cold lunch.”
Chapter Twelve
Mark lived on that kiss for the rest of the day. He didn’t want to push his luck, even when Ellen seemed so light-hearted and eager for intimacy. He contented himself with merely holding her hand, touching her hair, and stealing three more chaste, close-mouthed kisses throughout the day. His whole body ached with desire, literally ached as if in pain, but he refused to ruin something before it could truly begin.
They almost didn’t make it to supper with her parents. They dressed separately in their rooms, the connecting door left open the entire time. He handed her hairpins while she put her hair up, and he told her she looked beautiful as he wrapped her in a coat and handed her the new gloves. She couldn’t stop smiling at him, and it made Mark feel like they would find a new, better life together.
Dinner was long and dull, when all Mark could think of was bundling Ellen in a carriage and devouring her while they drove back home. He restrained himself. Barely. It was late when they returned home, the servants milling about the kitchen. Mark and Ellen tiptoed upstairs, stealing glances at one another, and he played lady’s maid in helping her change for bed. He turned his back, putting away the hairbrush and her evening toilette, whileshe slipped out of her combination and into her nightrail, and the rustling satin had sent a pang through his cock that took his breath away. He mastered it, then tucked her in bed. To his immense satisfaction, he saw the glint of the gold locket around her neck even as she burrowed under her blankets. Mark gave her a long, lingering kiss. Ellen sighed happily into his mouth as she kissed him back. She didn’t ask him to stay in her bed, even for sleeping, and he didn’t ask. Not yet, even if his whole body had canted toward her and his legs had nearly seized when he forced himself to walk to the door.
The next week was that odd period of time in the dead of winter, between Christmas and New Year’s, when everything felt like it had come to a halt and was waiting. The post, thankfully, did continue to come each day. On New Year’s Eve he finished translating one scene from theArgonauticato his satisfaction, then paused to sort through the letters Gaye brought him on the letter tray. Three stood out.
The first was a short note from one of his brothers:
Mark—
You missed a hell of a Christmas at Cottesloe. Mama was in rare form, and Matthew’s little nurse is just darling. Quite bossy, too, which Matthew despises. I love it. I hope you had a happy little Christmas. Speaking of which, I haven’t seen you since you’ve returned. I came back to London early and plan to visit the Opera tonight.
I rented a box for the whole season (I know, don’t chide me about the cost), and you’re free to join tonight.The Pirates of Penzance.No need to send a note, just ask for Box 12.
–-Luke
Pleasure suffused Mark as he read it. He had spent all his leave for the past few years either carousing through London with Luke or hunting and stomping through the countryside with Matthew.When the younger ones weren’t away at school, he loved debating philosophy and natural sciences with them. He hadn’t seen them since the end of September, when he’d visited Cottesloe to check on Matthew’s injury, and the opportunity to catch up with Luke was delightful. He needed to check with Ellen first, as she often returned to the house tired from a long day’s work.
The second came from his mother and was as lengthy as usual. He read it slowly, enjoying all the tidbits of gossip she included about his brothers. She had a lot to say about Matthew’s recovery, of course, and the Nightingale who forced him to try walking again. She lamented the fact that Mark was her only married son, and wished Luke would hurry up and find a bride. Mark rolled his eyes at that. Luke was utterly and completely devoted to his valet, and Mark never knew if his mother was oblivious or just held out futile hope she would one day have grandchildren. She complained regularly she hadn’t had six sons for them to all be bachelors.