“I need a tea. Mrs. Daugherty can make me a tea.” She scrambled off the bed, naked in the cold morning air, and headed for her closet.
Mark fought his feelings of anger and hurt. “Is it truly so bad, what we did?”
“Having one child die nearly killed me, Mark.” Ellen didn’t even look at him as she shimmied into a fresh combination. “A second would destroy me. No matter how badly I want to be a mother, I’d rather be barren than risk another stillbirth.”
His eyes caught on the locket hanging around her neck. Mark stilled.Constance is more important than any of this,he realized.Ellen is more important than a title. I have younger brothers.He sighed, then rose to his feet. “Please get back in bed, Ellen. You’re distraught, and I’m afraid something might happen to you.”
She turned, as ferocious as a lioness. “If you think you could force me to?—”
He shook his head, pulling on his smallclothes in the frigid environment. “I’ll go.” His heart twisted at the thought of getting her the contraceptive tea, flying in the face of his duty and all he’d been brought up to believe he owed to his family and country. “Tell me what tea to procure, and I’ll bring it back.”
Ellen stared at him, speechless. “You’ll do that?”
“I don’t want you out there so early in the morning alone.” Mark buttoned his trousers. “O’Malley is still out there, probably nursing a terrible hangover, ready to do murder. It’s not safe.”
Ellen watched him dress, still silent.
“Do you know the name of it?” Mark fastened his cuffs and looked up at her. “Or if you don’t trust me, we’llsend the footman.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he knew he failed.
Ellen shook her head. “I don’t want the servants to know about this. It’s private.”
Mark agreed on that, at least. “Then I’ll go.”
“I don’t know the name,” Ellen said. “If you explain to Mrs. Daugherty, she’ll know. Just hurry back.” She bit her lip, hands worrying the tie of her wrapper. “Are you sure?” They stood on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other.
He sighed, forcing all of his hurt and confusion to the back of his mind. “Ellen. You’re my wife. Of course I’ll care for you.” Mark wanted to be kind and comforting, but he didn’t know how to cross the room and hold her, not after her reaction. Instead, he suggested she return to bed and went out the door. He passed the chambermaid in the hall, a bucket of coal and a matchbox in hand. “Bring tea to the mistress,” he said on his way down the stairs.
He had too many emotions swirling inside of him to interrogate on his trip to St. Giles. His jaw tightened in anger at the callous way she’d cast aside the night they’d shared. The night they’d recreated some of the love and trust they’d had before.
She was frightened,another part of him said. It was written all over her body. And people in a panic sometimes said things they didn’t mean.
I should have withdrawn before spilling my seed. It hadn’t occurred to him in the moment. They were husband and wife, there was nothing shameful about their union last night. He’d never withdrawn before, they had never discussed it. Mark groaned, burying his face in his hands. He would have withdrawn if he’d thought of it.I wish I could go back and change it.But of course he couldn’t, no more than he could change the past eight years.
Mark had just barely gotten himself under control by the time he knocked on the dispensary door. It was too early to be openyet. His breath fogged the air as he waited for Mrs. Daugherty to answer it.
To his surprise, it was Amelia who answered. She looked rumpled and still half-asleep. “Captain Glenfall? Is something the matter?” She was missing her white doctor’s coat.
Mark glanced around the empty street. “Can I come in?”
She opened the door wider, and he slipped inside. “What’s going on?”
Mark went to the counter and stripped off his gloves. “Is Mrs. Daugherty here? Ellen requested I ask her for a, uh, special brew of tea.”
Amelia’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline and she crossed her arms. “Mrs. Daugherty isn’t in.”
Mark fought a blush. “I can wait for her.”
“She’s not coming in today. What with the O’Malley children and her family, she’s taking some time to see everyone settled.”
“Ah.” Mark rubbed the back of his neck. “I see.” He hadn’t considered how embarrassing this would be when he’d volunteered to go in Ellen’s stead.
“I can help. Probably.” Amelia slid behind the counter. “What brew of tea?”
“I don’t know the name,” he hedged, trying desperately to think of a way out of this.
“What’s it for?”
“It’s a contraceptive.” He could barely get the word out of his mouth.