Her smile falters a little. "I worry about him sometimes."
"Oh? Why is that?"
"I worry that he's lonely when we're with Mom."
I hum a little in contemplation. This is what I wasn't prepared for. How do I tell her it's not her job to worry about him? That she's sweet for worrying, but she's five. Worry is a big emotion for such a small person.
"Would it make you feel better if I promised to hang out with him whenever he feels lonely?" I know it's a tall order, andmaybe he won't ever call me if he gets lonely. But, I want to take the worry off her shoulders.
"You would do that?" Big blue eyes look up at me with such a sparkle, a rush of protective pride surges through me. I have the sudden realization that I would do anything for this small girl sitting next to me. She's so small, and observant, and deeply empathetic if she's worried about her father's happiness so much. I don't think that's normal for little kids, is it? I vaguely remember kids her age only seeing and caring about what was important in their own lives.
I've never felt such a strong urge to protect her from the shit of the world, and in the same breath, want to give her absolutely everything she could ever want. Huh. Is this how fathers feel? Shit. I imagine her asking for a pony. I'm pretty sure I'd figure out how to build a stall in my backyard for her.
I nod. "Sure. Why not?"
She tilts her head at me curiously, like she doesn't fully believe me. I avoid her gaze, though, and watch as Gareth adjusts Micah's grip on the ball and demonstrates how to move his shoulder, elbow, and wrist to throw the ball better. A small smile tugs on my lips.
When Lily doesn't start reading again, I bring my attention back to her. She levels me with a stern look.
I tug a piece of her hair gently. Because the fact is, I like hanging out with her dad. I like seeing sides of him I never thought would exist. I like how great he is with his kids. I like it when he blushes. I really like it when he gives me honesty when he doesn't have to. He's open and vulnerable, knowing I could hurt him.
So, yeah, if he called to hang out because he was sad or lonely, I wouldn't tell him 'no'.
"Your dad is a good person. I certainly don't mind hanging out with great people," I explain to her. She seems satisfied with that answer, and her head drops back to look at her book again.
"Thank you. That makes me feel better. Knowing that he has a friend," she says quietly. My heart squeezes in on itself with the fact that I was able to take that weight off of her. I know kids of divorce go through it and often pay for their parents' mistakes. She shouldn't have to bear the weight of her parents' decisions.
But I'm shocked when she pushes up from the grass and crawls into my lap, her back to my front, settling her Barbie in her lap the way she's sat in mine, and hands me the book.
"Will you read for a bit? I'm tired."
My nose pinches, and I have to blink away tears as this little girl carves my heart out of my chest. I clear my throat to dislodge the emotion that threatens to crush my windpipe.
"Sure, pipsqueak," I say, my voice tight and strained.
I look up and see Gareth watching us, his arms slack at his sides. Micah throws the ball up in the air and catches it himself, completely unaware of what's happening. Gareth's head drops back as he stares at the sky and wipes a hand down his face, muttering something to himself.
Pride inflates my chest as I wrap an arm around Lil's waist. She chose me. She chose to trust me and chose me to read to her. To be a part of her life, which seems like such a small, simple thing, but it's rocked me to my core.
I start reading to her, but I'm having an out-of-body experience.
I know after this, I'll never be the same.
Chapter sixteen
Gareth
"Ishould really get going," Trey says, as Lily puts her doll and book back in Micah's baseball bag. It's starting to get hot out, and I know they both need to eat.
"Wanna join us at The Diner? Man's gotta eat, right? Or... if you have other plans, that's fine, too," I ramble. His answering smile is full of knowing, and I'm not too proud to beg for more of his time. Watching him with Lily dug a hole in my stomach - one that I wasn't expecting. Dating as a single dad was always going to be difficult. And if they hadn't walked in on us, I'd have been more conservative about introducing a partner to my kids, but he's just my friend... right now.
Lily takes this moment to yawn so hard I'm surprised she doesn't dislocate her jaw like a snake. Shit. That means we're on borrowed time to get her fed and in bed for a nap.
"The one on Franklin?" he asks.
I nod quickly, shouldering my bag, too. "Best pancakes in the tristate," I say, grabbing Micah's hand and heading to the entrance of the park. I expect Micah to grab Lil's hand like he normally does, but she clings to Trey's leg.
"Oh, honey," I say, rushing to peel her off of him, but she's blinking slowly and clinging to him like a teddy bear. "... Trey might not like that."