“Were you robbed?” I asked.
A part of me hoped his answer would be yes, because realizing he was merely existing rather than living was a heartbreaking thought, and yet one I understood all too well.
“That’s one way of putting it.” He shrugged off my question.
“Wow, that’s ballsy of them, considering you’re a police officer and all.”
“So, you’re saying you’re not a minimalist kind of girl?”
“Are you averse to furniture?”
“You look like you could use a drink,” he said, walking us into the kitchen, which thankfully showed signs of life.
“Are you implying I look that bad?” I risked a glance down at myself, making sure I hadn’t missed anything left behind from the chaos of my shift.
“Nah, you’re cute in your scrubs. Although I have to admit seeing you wearing my jacket, it’s a lethal combination.”
“Good thing I know lifesaving techniques.”
Dammit, inside voice, inside voice,I scolded myself.
If the barely contained smirk tugging at the corners of Jaxon’s mouth was of any indication, he knew exactly how much he still affected me, and he was enjoying every second of it as I felt my cheeks blush.
“I realize I should have said this earlier . . . I’m sorry for interrupting your New Year’s Eve plans,” I spluttered out of nervousness as he set two glasses down on the counter and poured two fingers’ worth of whiskey into each.
“You didn’t.” He held my eyes with intense purpose.
“You expect me to believe that you, Jaxon Fisher, had no one special to kiss at midnight?”
“You fishing for the status of my love life, Lils?”
“No.” I scoffed. “Just heard you haven’t settled down.”
“So, because I haven’t settled down, implies what exactly?”
Suddenly, the air changed from playful to serious. My lungs squeezed because, while I had zero right to be upset or jealous, the last thing I wanted to think about was Jaxon with another woman. It made me painfully nauseous, to be truthful.
“It’s been a really long day. Do you mind if I take a quick shower before bed? I’m exhausted.”
“Sure, follow me.”
Jaxon led me down the hallway of his home, the one he’d once shared with his twin brother, Jameson, until he moved into his own place. The moment I stepped into his bedroom, I felt Jaxon’s presence everywhere. The walls were a dark slate gray, and his bedding was all black, but it was the scent of his cologne that felt nostalgic.
It was like coming home.
To him.
He had once been my everything, my world, until I was faced with an impossible choice and chose wrong. Now, standing there in his bedroom, I wondered if that safe place still existed or if I’d burned that bridge to the ground, leaving me with only memories that haunted me when I lay awake at night.
“Here.” He held out clothes he’d just grabbed from his dresser. “They’ll be big on you?—”
“Thank you.” I tucked my lips between my teeth, trying to hold back the anguish that wanted to break free.
Time stood still. I could feel the uncertainty radiating off him, fearful I’d disappear again, and while I had struggled to picture myself standing in front of him ever again, especially in his bedroom of all places, I couldn’t deny how much I desperately needed this.
Needed him.
With a metallic click, followed by a subtle, soft release of the handcuff from my wrist, there was an ocean of untapped emotions spiraling beneath the surface in his reflection staring down on me. A tsunami waiting to crest and pull us both under, and yet a silent understanding, an offering of space until the time was right. It was a quiet kind of mercy, offered without words, built on past trust I wasn’t sure I still deserved.